Fat Girls Must Love Themselves First

Any man involved with me, must love fat girls. This is something that I thought I would never be comfortable saying. After all, with the magazines and societal pressures that we face as women. It seems to be a given that we are expected to be thin and beautiful as women. However, as I have aged I realize more now than ever that I hate the term BBW (Big Boned Woman). I think BBW is a generic term for fat girl. It's all one in the same, but being the blunt person that I am, I would prefer to be called fat instead of BBW. The term BBW is just annoying, and personally I do not want to be referred to as a BBW.

I can also say that I am comfortable enough to feel good in my own skin. I am also confident enough to succeed in the skinny world. I have been a big or fat girl most of my life. I believe the hardest part of living as a fat girl was to grow up with a skinny family. It seemed that no matter what I tried I was still bigger than my mom and sister. I should also mention that I am about 6 inches taller than my mom and sister. I quickly tired of hearing how I needed to lose weight to fit in. I was tired of my mother telling me that if she could lose the weight for me that she would. It wasn't her body to deal with, nor was it her decision of what to do. This attitude continued into my adulthood, when I finally told her I was happy with myself, and I didn't want to hear it anymore.

There have been some dramatic changes to my attitude over the past few years. I have realized that others attitudes and opinions are directly related to the image that I project to them. When I project negativity that is what I receive in return. It like took me a long time to understand that self image is everything. Of course there are some people who are just mean and negative to begin with, having nothing to do with me or my weight.

I finally realized that I didn't want to diet; I wanted to be healthy by my terms and standards. I do not feel that I have to be a skeleton to be healthy, or quit eating to be healthy. It is not because I do not care about my health, in fact the opposite is quite true. I decided that I was going to be the best person I could be on my terms, without the influence of anyone else's values. After all, I have to live my life and deal with the consequences, no one else does.

It is hard to walk into a job interview or any other situation when you have low self esteem, regardless of your body size. I found that as I became more confident with myself that I became more successful. Just because you are fat or bigger doesn't mean you need to look like a slob. A lot of it came from me changing my point of view and finding clothes that looked great on me, and having a different attitude about myself.

Before I got married, I was so tired of dating men who were uncomfortable about me. In this regard I mean that they were fine having a relationship with me unless someone made a comment about it. Some men would act like they were the best that I could ever get, that they were doing me a great service by dating me. This type of attitude was appalling to me.

During my dating years, I constantly had men telling that I would be perfect if I just lost some weight. A couple of the times I did lose weight, and still found myself dumped. I realized that it wasn't me, or my weight. It actually had very little to do with me being overweight. It had to do with their need to control me to their liking. This did not occur overnight, it has taken years but I finally understand that the only person I need to focus on being satisfied with is me. I realize now that I had tried to please them by changing, and it didn't keep them around. It was in reality them, and their insecurities about me that ended the relationship.

For me, time has healed the pain and stress of being a fat girl. I have come to accept that I will never be a petite woman. I cannot control certain aspects of my life, but I can continue to work with what I do have control over. I encourage anyone in this position or who suffers from a poor self image, to look towards the positive attributes in their lives and project their attitude accordingly.