Father Knows Best Wedding Advice

Growing up, whenever there was discussion of future weddings, my father told his daughters he would buy the ladder. I wish I had let him. Even now after twenty years of marriage I view my wedding photos only if I feel like being nauseous.

The only couples who ought to have big weddings are those who love being the center of attention. The rest of us will only survive dosed with valium.

Wedding planning quickly spirals out of control. First you and your spouse-to-be realize that family alone comes to 100 guests. There go your plans for a small wedding.

Then you try to pare down the friends' list; it's an exercise in offending people for eternity. Every choice you make after that-the church, the minister, the wedding party, the food, the scripture readings, the date, the time-has definite potential for vexing a family member or friend.

Therefore, make your day your own. Run away!

I admire the smarts of previous generations. My husband's parents skipped across the border to another state as soon as both were 18. My own parents got married 2,000 miles away from most of the people they knew. Did feathers get ruffled? Yes. Did they care? Obviously not.

Elopement has many advantages. First, all of the wedding plans stay between you and your future spouse. All you need are a wedding license, someone to officiate over the ceremony, and witnesses if required.

Second, you can spend all of your limited funds on the honeymoon. You can double your time spent away and hopefully tempers have cooled by the time you return.

Best of all, there is no hassle because decision making is kept to an absolute minimum. Dates do not need to be coordinated with fifty others. There are no invitations to purchase or address. A hall does not have to be scheduled a year in advance. You do not need to choose brother or best friend for best man. Your bridesmaids will not be unhappy with your color choices.

I honestly tried to convince my husband to elope. I kept telling him about the free ladder. Scandalized he said, "We can't do that!"

So we went ahead with our traditional wedding, valiantly attempting to keep the peace. All in all, it was a nice wedding in an out of body experience kind of way. I truly tried to enjoy it, but I am not wired that way.

One hour into the reception we skedaddled. That caused a ripple of discontent.

Did we care? A few months later when we finally began to breathe normally again, we were riddled with guilt.