Fathers Day

Father's Day has always really been about the kids to me. As a child, I'd get my dad a coffee mug because man, did he drink coffee. I might make a drawing at school or something of that kind. As I grew, it became more about taking dad out for a breakfast, and coffee or dragging him off to some far flung cookout.

As a dad, I've been the recipient of hand drawn coupon books to have my car washed and had my share of breakfasts in bed. And having been dragged off to some far flung cookout. I can't say that I've ever redeemed one of those coupons '" I've happily kept that coupon book in my sock drawer for the last ten years. As a dad, it has for me been about capturing a little piece of my kid's childhood and reminding me that believe it or not I am important to them.

Fathers' Day 2008 was to be my dad's last '" he passed away but a few weeks later. We tried to take him out for breakfast, but he was so weak and unsteady, we instead took our restaurant breakfasts home in Styrofoam containers and ate them at the kitchen table. In some ways, I think back on those waning days of his life and wish I had done more to show him how important he was to me, and how important he would remain.

It is sometimes a little too easy to miss that message among the Home Depot and Lowes ads imploring us to make sure dad gets that "just right" tool set or that steak grilled just the way he likes it. We get carried away with the message that Dad wants to be indulged.

Dad doesn't want to be indulged. Dad wants to know he's important to you, that he's made an impact on your life. If dad really wants that miter saw, he's going to go buy it himself. He wants to experience you, talk with you, engage with you. I've come to learn that going out to breakfast isn't about having breakfast, it's about sharing that time. You know what would mean more to dad than getting a socket set or cash wash kit on Fathers Day? If you swung by some day after work and talked. Getting tickets for a baseball game is right up there on the best Father's Day gifts, but it's not because he wants to go to the game, even though he probably does want to go. It's because he gets to go to the game with you. When you do that, you show him that you know the game is important to him, that maybe even that its important to you, and that its important to you that you two share that experience.

Families have sometimes curious inner workings, and maybe Father's Day is the only day of the year you expressly make time for Dad, or are willing to make time for dad. Lots of things happen between families and relationships get strained or estranged for all kinds of reasons. One of the best Father's Day gifts are those that help bridge that estrangement: A card arriving in the mail on Saturday with a lumber yard gift card in it will not show your dad he's important to you. A call, a handwritten letter, a conversation over breakfast. Those are the things that do it.

In the end, it really is all about the kids, even if those kids are now middle-aged. It's about showing Dad who you are, who you're becoming or who you've become. If you're not good at showing him those things the other 364-days of the year, on Father's Day you have your opportunity. It's about sharing yourself with another human being who loves you no matter what. Those relationships are rare in life. Seize the opportunity with full gusto. I want to know my children are healthy human beings. That I've imparted values to them and I've helped them in some way to reach their goals. That doesn't just happen on Father's Day and it doesn't happen with a socket set. If you can't or haven't done it over the course of the other 364-days of the year, Father's Day is a great time to start or at the very least to acknowledge that it is time to do so.