Father's Day Reflections: What Defines a Real Man?

The other day, I pulled up at the stoplight next to the gruff man on the Harley. I looked at him, nodded in the way only a fellow "rider" would understand, and revved the engine on my bike. He looked at me and my 49cc Yamaha scooter, shook his head, and pealed out leaving me in a cloud of smoke and self-doubt. I immediately found myself saying, "But it gets 117 miles per gallon, and it can go nearly 45 miles per hour." I felt that I had to justify my manliness.

I also like to go shooting on weekends. Air rifles that is; you know, pellet guns. I was talking about going shooting at work, and one of my colleagues, a hunter, corrected me. He informed me that I shoot toys, not guns. Again, I had to explain that they were 1000 feet per second air guns; they could kill a squirrel. My guns are very dangerous - and manly.

You see, I am always falling just shy of the manly test. I serve in the Air National Guard, which, as my Army friends point out, is not the "real military." While at a barbecue, my friends were cooking steak, and I was grilling salmon; hadn't they heard of omega-3? And, when explaining that I couldn't go jogging because of a blister on my heel, my friend's fiance' explained that even though he recently had reconstructive ankle surgery, he is planning on running the Iron Man Triathlon this summer. Of course I explained to him just how bad my blister was; it could get infected.

I find myself having to justify myself at every turn. It is as if someone is going to revoke my "man card" and tell me to stop using the secret handshake if I don't successfully display my testosterone. Why am I always trying to avoid emasculation while trying to step out of the shadow of Superman? It is these summer days, while I am pushing my manual lawn mower next door to the man with the lawn tractor, that it hits me the hardest. I go to bed every night wondering if I am "man enough". Do I even know what it means to be a man?

Then I woke up. I woke up next to the same woman that I have woken up next to every morning for the past 15 years. In fact, she is the only woman I have ever woken up next to. She went to bed very happy last night; in fact, she slept happily a few times last week. I heard my young children down the hallway playing together. They are young because we my wife and I waited a few years after we were married to have them, a feat that is rarer and rarer these days.

As they played, I heard my son accidentally hurt his sister then he apologized for it. Not only did he apologize, but he waited to make sure she was O.K. before he moved on to another game. He cares about her and isn't afraid to show it. The game he switched to was "Air Force." He shouted to his sister, who was still crying, "Look, I'm daddy!"

I got out of bed to check on my daughter. When she saw me, she ran to me and buried her head in my shoulder. After I kissed her head, she stopped crying and thanked me. "That's what I needed dad," she said as she ran off to shoot down her brother. My chest puffed a little; I was her hero.

So here I am now, sitting down at my computer, not to look at women or for some other instant gratification, but to write a piece on what it takes to be a man. Yesterday, I had it wrong. I was looking to other people to feel manly. I wanted to prove myself to "the guys" that I had the right stuff. I don't need to look to them to check my manhood, I only need to look at my life. I am more of a man that I ever dreamed. I am a loving husband, dedicated father, virtuous soldier, and selfless friend. If that is not what a man is meant to be, I don't know what is.