Favorite Funny Christmas Memory Jerry Springer

It was 1997 and it was the first snow of winter with Christmas nearly a week away. I remember my parents would always have long conversations about the prospect of a white Christmas. It was never really Christmas to them without a Norman Rockwell sheet of snow on the ground. I was only 12 years old and far too busy shaking my presents around the tree to even notice the snow.

My aunt and uncle came over with my cousins to drop off more presents. They were around my parent's age so my cousins and I were close. My parents served some cider and we sat around making small talk until finally we ran out of things to say to one another. The holidays are draining and we were all looking forward to them ending. We always stressed each other anyways, but the holidays exacerbated it. The sugar cookies made another pass we're just about to start attacking each other when the winds shifted and the television program changed. We sat in silence sizing one another up. Finally my cousin Kevin and I broke the silence with a low chant, "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry." It is contagious like swine flu causing everyone to join in. It was Jerry Springer holiday style.

The lifeless couch we huddled around suddenly became alive with the steady chant of, "Jerry Jerry JERRY!" Then when a verbal or physical blow was thrown we would all pretend to feel it, "OHHH!" Then another toothless deadbeat father would launch a chair and the guards would spring into action. We watched the entire program; participating in every slap, jab, insult, and twist.

Rhetorical questions took on a whole new meaning they became open debates, "So who's the father?" Which you would hear a reply of, "Well knowing this girl it could be half the town," float around the room. Then people would laugh if they agreed or present an alternative if they didn't. This was our publish forum.

The ads were mostly for Jerry Springer's Too Hot for TV the VHS collection with hours of unseen footage. We'd take a break to digest the redneck soap opera. Just when we thought it couldn't get any better we were united as a family, for the first time I recall, against a common enemy - the KKK. One of the possible fathers brought his Klan brothers with him and was none to pleased when one of the possible fathers was, drum roll, black. We quipped that the bouncer Steve was going to look away as this black dude busted some Klansmen's head. We were right and the show degenerated into a mini riot. Jerry didn't even have final thoughts.

There were high five's, rib jabs, and laughing - thanks to families far more broken and awful than ours we looked like an actual family. The suffering and general social failures of others brought us together for an hour. We still talk about this moment fondly. It was a Christmas Miracle. This is my favorite funny Christmas memory. Merry Christmas everyone!