Favre to Vikings: "I'm Gonna Take My Talents to South Beach."

DISCLAIMER: This faux-news article is a piece of fiction. Likenesses to real events and actual human beings are purely coincidental and due to its poor construction and the author's lack of ability, this article should not be read by anyone.

(Minneapolis) - The speculation concerning the future of the NFL's all-time leading passer has finally come to an end. Brett Favre, the 3-time NFL MVP, is heading to Miami.

The 11-time Pro Bowler released a statement Tuesday afternoon from his restaurant/denim outlet, Brett Favre's Steakhouse and Wrangler Emporium. "I'm gonna take my talents to South Beach," declared Favre, officially announcing his intention to play for the Miami Heat. This latest development marks the QB's fourth comeback attempt- another NFL record amongst the slew of career-bests that Favre can already boast.

Reaction amongst the Minnesota Viking faithful has been understandably negative, but the attitudes in Miami are the polar opposite. Newly-minted Miami Heat forward Lebron James was delighted when he heard the latest news. "It's great to hear that the true king is coming to Miami," gushed Lebron. "And when it comes to great quarterbacking, I am a witness."

Speculation on how Favre will fit into the Heat offense is already running rampant. Skeptics insist that there just isn't enough ball to go around for the quarterback-turned-guard to have an impact on a team already laden with talented players like Chris Bosh, Dwayne Wade, and the aforementioned Lebron James. Wade's remarks were somewhat critical. "He ain't gonna be no John Stockton. And he be [sic] coming off ankle surgery, so there's always a concern there." Wade continued, "But for real, it's gonna be Hollywood down here."

However, some experts aren't so sure about the message behind Favre's candid statement regarding his future. ESPN's Chris Mortenson speculated this morning that perhaps Favre could be joining the Miami Dolphins, a team in need of QB help. But not so fast, says fellow reporter Stephen A. Smith. "How could you resist a chance at a championship with the Heat? I'm not a big Lebron fan *cough*, but seriously, why else would you go to Miami?"

Other analysts have suggested that Favre is actually intending to visit Disney World with his family. This would make sense, according to some reports, because Favre is renown for his roller-coaster riding talents. Others still insist that the quote from the purportedly 73 year-old quarterback was an indication of retirement, and was an indication that Favre was narrowing down his selection of potential retirement homes.

Regardless of the interpretation of future Hall of Famer's statement, one question is still left to be answered: "Is Brett Favre returning to the NFL?" Experts agree that we will have a definitive answer sometime between tomorrow and "Whenever Brett passes away."