FBI Jobs for You, Me, Tom, Dick and Harry

As you probably know, the FBI has recently issued a call for recruits, utilizing the good old world wide web as its casting stage. A brief foray to www.fbijobs.gov/ will open a new world of opportunity for thousands of common Americans who thought they would never get the call. In this time of uncertainty and unemploiment, FBI Jobs are raining like men...err, locusts? Rain? You get the point.

All you need is US citizenship, lack of felony conviction, proof of no drug use, no default on a student loan, ability to pass an FBI urine test (not your old pre-employemnt urine test!) and hope you've remembered to register withSelective Service System if you are male. Oh, yeah! The Selective Service System! How could I forget! It's been on the tip of my memory FOREVER!

If you have no problem with any of the above, the FBI will conduct a thorough background check on you. What, did you think you could just waltz in and sit at a desk? Ha! This may be a call for the common man or woman, but it will also be a wake up call for those who do not qualify for FBI Jobs.

If you are Native American, you have a better chance of getting hired. I'm making this up of course, but according to the Total Diversity Emplyment Chart 2008 on the FBI Jobs website,Native Americans represent a miserly %0.2 of those hired. I smell a discrimination lawsuit. Run and submit your resume!

Just remember not to puff up your resume beyond belief, this is the FBI after all, and you do not want to be called a liar by the FBI, trust me.

A Job with the FBI will land you a sweet health insurance deal, commonly known as the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program. If you find yourself too lazy to pronounce all that, you can use the special FBI abbreviation after 90 days of employment: FEHB. (That last tip is false).

Federal Employees Group Life Insurance Program is another sweet deal, what with all those life threatening situations those FBI contract linguists go through on a daily basis.

Are you still here? The FBI wants YOU, do not miss the opportunity to be part of a team that is regularly featured in movies, played by the supergirl who was a dorky nerd in highschool and turned into an FBI beauty in order to better catch the white collar fraudster.

So, run off now and join the FBI. Or else.