Fear of Public Toilets Ruins Dating

Dating people with parcopresis poses a challenge unlike any other in the romantic world. What is parcopresis, you ask? Parcopresis is the phobia assigned to those who absolutely cannot do number two in a public restroom.

This phobia is also termed as "shy bowel" because the sufferer, your date, must have a certain level of privacy before their mind will let their behind "let loose". It's definitely mind over matter here, but can become a problem when on a date.

Most dates last anywhere from two to five hours depending on the planned activities. Say you're having dinner out followed by a movie. The average time spent over dinner, if all goes well and the conversation is flowing, is about two hours. Your average movie time is an hour and a half. Average in drive time, walking to and from the car, and time standing in line and you could easily rack up another hour. Now you're looking at four and half hours into the date.

A person suffering from shy bowel may be ready to blow a hole through to the next dimension before this date is done. While many people can go days without dropping bombs, most people throw rocks within an hour after one good meal (girls too)! Since you're having dinner out, this can be quite a problem.

The end of the date might herald a quick high five before your date speeds off erratically down the road, courting danger and a traffic violation in the pursuit of a private potty instead of a long, lingering kiss goodnight at the front door. Don't be offended.

It doesn't mean your date isn't in to you. It's just that the strongest desire at that moment is to shat, loudly and privately, inside the comforting four walls of their own bathroom. Kissing, cuddling, and sex are the very last things on their mind, and rightly so. Imagine kissing your date and right in the middle, you hear a grizzly growling. It's like "When Animals Attack"! That bear of a bundle is demanding to be freed! Honestly, it's never a good idea to get between a "bear" and his woods. Back away quickly, and don't make eye contact.

A good idea is to try an anti-diarrheal medication before the date (it will lock up those shy bowels for hours). Remember that although funny when discussed between friends, parcopresis is an actual condition. If you happen to fall in love with someone with a shy booty, have patience. You may have to plan frequent trips home in between errands and date activities.

Technical terms and medical information gathered from Shybowel.com.