Fear of the Word No

Do you know anyone that is afraid to say "no"? Chances are you do. Some people have a hard time saying the word "no". Even when they really know that they should. People that are afraid to say "no" are usually very sensitive and / or compassionate people. They don't want to upset people. They don't want to offend people. And they definitely don't want to stir up problems. In reality when they don't say "no" when they should, they end up offending people and stirring up problems.

When a person doesn't say "no" when they should, several problems can occur. If the person agrees to help someone with a job for example, and they agree for the sole reason of being afraid to say "no", they find themselves stuck doing something that they don't want to do. They end up helping the person, but they are resentful inside. This resentment often shows. The end result, is they end up doing the very thing that they didn't want to do. Their resentment offends and upsets the other person. Some people handle the commitment they made, by failing to do what they said they would do. They didn't want to do it in the first place or maybe even couldn't do it. Their fear of saying "no", ends up upsetting the other person.

Maybe you are a person that is afraid to say "no". What can you do to change? Well, first of all, you must realize that change does not happen overnight. You have probably lived a long time with your fear of the "no" word. It will take quite some time to befriend it. Second, you must realize that it is okay to say "no" sometimes. People should not take offense if you do not say yes to absolutely everything. Of course there are times when saying yes is appropriate, but that is not always the case. If you are around people that get angry with you if you ever say "no", then there is a problem with that person and not you. Some people like to have everything there way and that is selfish behavior. Most people though will not be mad if you say "no". Most people will accept your answer. Now realizing all of this and putting it into practice are two different things. Even though you realize you should be able to say "no", you might feel that you can't get yourself to do it. So, if you are in a situation and you find yourself afraid to say "no", try saying something like, "I will have to get back to you on that, I may be busy." Most people initially find this easier to say than "no". After you have said that, you will most likely feel the confidence to come back at a later time and say "no".

Maybe you know someone that is afraid to say "no". What can you do to help that person? First, you must recognize that you can not take offense when this person is not honest by saying "no" to you. Perhaps they have even failed to do something they promised to do. Do not be upset with this person. Being upset and offended will only make the situation worse. This person has a deep rooted fear of saying "no". Most likely they have encountered a person or people in the past who have contributed to this fear by being overbearing and / or angry when they tried to say "no". When you ask something of the person, even if it something as simple as asking them to go out to the movies, let them know that it is okay if they don't want to. Even if you make it clear that a "no" would be a fine answer they may still refuse to say "no", even if that is what they want to say.

It takes a long time to get this fear out of them. If they fail to keep their promise, do not get mad. This will only make the situation worse. Just be patient. Know when you ask something of them, that they may fail to do as they said. Or that if they do, they may feel resentful for doing what they do not want to do. If they fail to do as they said, it is best not to mention their failure. If they do as they said but are resentful, find a pleasant way to end the situation without making them the cause. The best thing that you can do, is recognize their shortcoming and try not to put them in a lot of situations where they will be faced with the fear of saying "no". For example, instead of asking, "Hey do you want to go to the movies on friday?" Try saying, "Going to the movies on friday sounds like fun. If you want to go to the movies, why don't you call me friday and we will go." Now they might jump and say right away that they want to go. That could still be part of their fear of the word "no". If they do that, then simply say, "Okay, that sounds fun, but life is so busy, you never know if plans are going to change and get in the way. So why don't you call me on Friday if you still want to go." This gives them their way out. If they don't want to go, they probably won't call. Dealing with a person in this matter can be difficult, but this stress free way of approaching things will help them to feel more comfortable saying "no" in the long run and will ultimately give you a better relationship. Remember to have patience. These things take time.

The fear of the word "no", can almost be considered an anxiety disorder. A person can almost go into a state of panic at the thought of saying "no". Do not lose hope, as with most things in life, it can get better with patience.