Feeding the Inner Child

The bottom line is that everything in your childhood is going to impact your life as an adult. Some behaviors are predictable while others seem to come out of the blue. It's impossible to know all of the variables because everyone has their own experiences and personality. However, when basic needs aren't met as a child, there are some obvious results. Starvation for instance can lead to the obvious issue of an eating disorder. But, what else can starvation cause?

Inability to move forward. Consider Maslow's hierarchy of needs. The very foundation of this hierarchy is meeting basic needs for survival. That means being fed, allowed to breathe and other basic needs. Maslow's theory basically tells us that if the goals of a specific category are not met, then the person can never move on to the next category. When it comes to starvation, being at the foundation of the hierarchy of needs, the individual can not move on to any other category. In other words, they can't get past the need for survival in order to do more than just survive.

Lack of trust. As children, we are supposed to be able to trust our parents to take care of us. When we cannot trust the very people who gave life to us and who by their position in our lives are supposed to be trustworthy, how can we trust anyone who has less of a role to play? Naturally, the answer lies within ourselves and learning to trust ourselves. But, starvation can lead to eating disorders that can make us feel at odds with ourselves, much less anyone else.

Oral fixations. This is a term that often causes laughter, but is never the less a valid issue. For instance, there were times in my childhood when food was refused me, though my stomach was aching for sustenance. As a result, I ate things that one normally wouldn't eat and even today I am very oral. I talk alot, I smoke, I bite my lip, and am in love with Chap-stick . Coincidence? I doubt it.

These are just some of the issues that can come from starvation and neglect. Now let's take a look at some general concepts that can help us to feed the inner child.

Keep healthy foods available. My refrigerator, freezer and even pantry are constantly full. I never want my son to go hungry or feel that anxiety of wondering if he will eat today. But, I don't keep them full just for him. I refuse to ever let myself think that I may have to go without food or experience the anxiety that such an idea brings to me. But, if I'm going to treat myself and my son right, I need to make sure those foods are healthy and not just empty calories. Think quality, not quantity.

Acknowledge the inner child. We all have an inner child that needs to be acknowledged and tended to. It's the inner child that creates all of our defense mechanisms that help us to live through some of the traumas that we experience as children. Adults who were starved as children often neglect the inner child. Part of this stems from the actual childhood experience being one of neglect. The parents neglected the child, so we do the same thing. This leads to all sorts of self loathing behavior. Remember that you are an adult now and as such, it's your responsibility to protect those that cannot protect themselves, children being at the top of the list. Yes, your inner child counts in this category too.

Love yourself. Though your inner child may have been deprived of food, that's just the actual item that was kept from it. The lack of nurturing abilities in the parent is what was really missing or you wouldn't have been starved in the first place. Now, it's time for you to nurture yourself. We're taught to believe everything our parents say, but that lesson is based on the assumption that the parents actually know what they are talking about. In other words, just because your mom told you that you were ugly, that statement doesn't make it actual fact. It's time to look at yourself with your own honest eyes.

References: Personal and professional experience, http://www.altruists.org/ideas/psychology/