Feeling Lonely in Your Marriage?

Loneliness when you're married can seriously damage your marriage, it can end your marriage. The reason for this is because most people don't expect to feel loneliness when they wed. The idea that an individual can become lonely in a committed partnership, is often too painful to deal with once the realization is made. This is when many throw their relationship with their spouse, and their very marriage away, usually saying something along the lines of "If I wanted to be lonely, I'd have stayed single."

Loneliness within marriage can wreak all sorts of havoc on your relationship- it can lead up to infidelity, severe depression in one or both partners, resentment that is both obvious and hidden, and can eventually lead to divorce. But how do you know if your marriage is suffering due to loneliness? And how do you fix it? Of course, the answer isn't complicated- you learn to communicate with your spouse. Good communication skills are important to making marriage work, and will help deter loneliness.

If you find yourself hesitant to discuss anything with your spouse, no matter how mundane- there's a communication problem in your marriage. If you find that you discuss issues more with your friends or relatives than you do your spouse, ask yourself why. If your spouse is obviously bothered by something, yet not sharing his or her thoughts and feelings with you, do you ask what's bothering them? Or do you stay silent and hope whatever it is will just "blow over?" If you find yourself not asking your spouse what's wrong, then this is another red flag that there's been a communication break-down in your marriage.

When there's a lack of communication in a marriage, loneliness begins to slowly set in upon both partners. The unfortunate side-effect of loneliness in a relationship is, it tends to cause those who are feeling lonely to resent their partner, to even turn away from their partner, and to rely on others for friendship and support during a tough time. It's very true that our spouse should be our best friend- but how many people can actually honestly say they are married to their best friend?

Taking the time to listen to each other is the biggest step to take towards deterring loneliness in your marriage. Don't tell your partner "I don't have time," when they want to discuss something with you. If you find yourself short on time, it's better to be honest with your spouse and tell them that you can't discuss the subject with them right that moment, but that you'll be more than happy to discuss it as soon as you are both present. Don't brush your partner's words aside, regardless of the topic- truly listen and try to understand what your partner is saying.

Don't always discuss "serious" topics with your spouse, this can spoil communication if you both find yourselves dreading discussions or being around one another. If you think back to when you and your spouse were dating, you likely discussed all sorts of topics trying to get to know one another- try doing this again. Talk for the sake of talking to each other, swap stories with each other about childhoods, job experiences, hobbies, etc. This helps to maintain the feeling of friendship in your marriage, which is absolutely essential to maintain good communication.

There's nothing worse than laying next to the person you've promised "forever" to and feeling completely alone. When you feel this way, it makes the idea of "forever" become almost unbearable. This will breed resentment and cause one or both partners to become vulnerable to the attentions of an outsider, thus causing an affair.

While the answer to maintain good communication in your relationship to deter loneliness is relatively simple, you might find it's a bit more difficult to put into action. People often are so caught up in trying to express their own thoughts, opinions and feelings- that they quite forget to listen and understand the other. If you and your spouse are having difficulty opening the lines of communication back up within your marriage, then it's not such a bad idea to make an appointment with a marriage counselor or even a personal therapist. A third party can often help us see past our own thoughts and point of view, and help us to actually hear another person's side of things.

Taking the time to communicate effectively with your spouse, whether it's a serious matter or just casual conversation, can make a world of difference in how you feel about your relationship with your spouse. When you manage to stay friends with your spouse and maintain communication, it's impossible to feel lonely.