Feelings of Unreality and Responsibility Being Newborn Parents

Becoming a parent starts from before birth of course, but many parents find that their minds and emotions take a while to catch up with their new Identity. At birth the baby becomes real and visible and can no longer remain the imaginary, secret baby that you daydreamed about in your head. Medical staff will call you baby's mum and dad from the start and it can feel odd to be addressed in this way for the first few days.

Many parents have feelings of unreality and disbelief to begin with. They may wonder, "Is this really my baby?" Some parents report waking from sleep having briefly "forgotten" that they are parents and may be left with an uneasy feeling of guilt about this, as if they have somehow failed to look after their baby by not thinking about him for a while. This experience is entirely natural and normal. As with any great life event, it can take a while for your new situation and identity to sink in and become real - no matter how prepared you thought you were.

Feelings of responsibility

Most parents feel the responsibility of becoming a parent very keenly. They may fear that they won't be able to meet the challenge. Newborn babies seem so fragile and helpless and their needs so hard to predict. You may actually feel in awe of the midwives and nursery nurses who seem to handle babies with such casual confidence. Some parents fear - the prospect of looking after their baby at home without the full back-up of a medical team. If you are feeling this way remember that babies are stronger than they look; they have a drive to live and grow, equal to your drive to protect them. Your baby will make his needs known so do all you can to listen and respond to him as best you can.

Some new parents find that the overwhelming feelings of responsibility affect their ability to rest and find time for them. Mothers may worry that they will sleep through their baby's crying or that their baby will need them while they are in the shower or going to the toilet. Enlisting the help of those you trust to watch your baby while you rest or take a shower is important; you need time to look after yourself and recover from the birth, just as your baby does.