Feminists or Rude Men: Who Killed Chivalry?

Besides cornbread and the color maroon, there's nothing I love more than to hear someone say to me "You did that by yourself?" I don't know if men (and sometimes women) understand the satisfaction a woman has when she's done something that is considered unusual for a female to do. I come from a family full of independent women, but there a few others sprinkled around who believe that next to breathing, it is absolutely necessary to be married or at least have a continuous boyfriend without fail. And with constantly having a man, some believe that women should not be doing too much physical labor without a man handy to be there. This includes simple things like taking long drives, picking up boxes, getting on public transportation, pumping gas, or going out late at night. I do all of the above and could care less whether there is a guy there to help, minus moving. So if a woman is independent and encourages equal rights, is she an obstacle for chivalry, which pretty much contradicts that theory?

Prime example: I needed boxes because I will be moving out of my apartment before the month is up. Now, I could've waited until some guy friends or family members were available to help me, but that independent streak started itching at me and I didn't feel like waiting. I went to the grocery store during stocking time at about 1 a.m. and loaded up approximately thirty boxes from the aisles into my car and took them home to unload into my apartment. There were several guys who were stocking things but I scurried around making sure nobody asked me did I need help to my car. My only problem was that when I got back to my apartment, someone else moved earlier that day so five air conditioners were in my way. After moving the air conditioners and cutting one of my hands on a pointy spot, then I unloaded my car. This may seem like nothing to some of you but to some old school women I know, this task is unbearable. Why would a woman fuss with air conditioners, with a bloody hand at that, and then unload a bunch of boxes when there are men who will do such a thing? Because she can! But the funny thing was on one of my trips out the door of the grocery store, I gave some guy all sorts of attitude for going in the door before me because he saw me coming. How rude. Don't help me with any of my boxes, sir, because I don't need your help, but move out of my way when I'm going through the door and hold it too. Thank you kindly.

So how does a man know when he's stepping on an independent woman's toes?

Chivalry Rule #1: Should I hold the door for a woman?

While writing this article, I read several articles by women who said that they didn't want men holding doors for them because they have a vagina. I roll my eyes at the thought of that. Why can't you hold the door for a woman? It's not like it's too heavy, and if she's cute, you can take a quick peek at her form. No seriously, I hold doors daily for men and women, especially if I'm with a big party of people or if one is behind me. To me, it is polite. If the guy or lady is close in distance, letting the door slam in his or her face is tacky and inconsiderate. Holding the door is like handing someone the pepper on the table. Just a subtle show of manners. You know they'll need to get in the door so why not make them feel welcome?

Chivalry Rule #2: Should I pull out her chair?

I never really understood the purpose of holding out a chair for a woman. With the door, both of you are going into it. But both of you are not going to sit in the same seat so why are you pulling hers out? She's grown. She can pull out her own chair. I'm not even big on a man waiting until I sit down so he can sit down. Just sit down. There's no timed competition on who squats first.

Chivalry Rule #3: Should I walk her to her door?

Whenever I drop someone off at their place, I always make sure that they get into their home safely. If a porch light doesn't come on or a door doesn't open to let that person in or unlocked, I'm not budging. I can understand a guy wanting to make sure his lady friend gets to the door, as a safety precaution, especially after being a firsthand witness at a woman walking down the street on her way home and two men jumping out of the bushes to snatch her purse. During the day, maybe it's not as important, but at night when safety is a little more questionable, I say go for it. Walk her to the door. If she's a winner, she'll run to her front window to watch you get into your car and make sure you got back there safely.

Chivalry Rule #4: Should I walk on the outside of the street and let her walk on the inside?

I remember walking down the street in high school with an elementary school friend of mine, and he refused to let me walk on the outside of the street. I asked him why and he explained that his mother told him that women are supposed to walk on the inside. He didn't know why but he'd followed this belief all of his life. I just found it odd, tried to dart around him, and he just about clothes-lined me to get me back to the inner side. Then, my grandfather yelled at me about the same thing and moved me to the inside of the street one day when he and I were taking a walk. It wasn't until I took a British Literature course in college that I found out the origin of this act. According to some book I read, since people threw their trash out of the windows, sometimes the trash could hit the person on the outside of the street. So to avoid trash being thrown onto women, men always walked on the outside. Although I don't understand why people didn't look out the window before they started throwing trash or why a man would voluntarily have trash thrown on him, it makes me no difference. I still shrug at the idea of it but I can walk either way.

Chivalry Rule #5: Should I pay for each date?

Now here's where I start cheering for the women in my family who believe in old-fashioned views. It could possibly have something to do with my ridiculous credit card bill or maybe being slightly old fashioned myself. I absolutely would not go on a first date with a guy if I had to pay. I once went out with a guy who did not inform me our date was dutch. As soon as he bought his food and sat down, I left him sitting at the restaurant alone two minutes later. It's usually the guy who asks the woman out on a date and, in my opinion, if you ask someone to accompany you to somewhere that they may not have necessarily gone before to do something they may not have necessarily done before, it should be your treat. You're asking them for their time. Now after that first date, then I think whomever asked who out should pay or split it. If a woman is going out with an old-fashioned guy who believes in chivalry, I guess it's okay to let him pay all the time but I always wonder when he'll get tired of that. If I were a man, I know I would, especially if all of her dates are to expensive places. But I've treated guys out on dates, especially on birthdays. For the life of me, I don't understand why a man has to pay for a date on his birthday. That's his special day. Same goes for Valentine's Day. He's in that relationship just like you are. Split the tab. You're equal in the relationship.

Chivalry Rule #6: Should I help her with heavy items or bringing in multiple items like groceries?

I think this one should be obvious. If you're going to eat the food in those bags, get off your butt and help bring them in. If you're an equal part of the household, you should be willing to help bring in the groceries, especially if some of them were bought with your money. Make sure she got something good! And I definitely think men should help women with items that are obviously too heavy for them to pick up. Let's face it-most men are physically stronger than women. I see a guy helping a woman with a heavy item as no different than a woman helping a small child (girl or boy) who she knows can't lift something. Why should one person struggle with something just to prove a point when another person can easily do it?

Chivalry Rule #7: Should I give her my jacket if she is cold even though I may be chilly too?

The next time you leave the house, I want you to look at how the average couple is dressed. Many times women wear thinner or fancier clothes than the guy. Even if they're on a formal date, he's got a suit jacket on but she may have a backless, sleeveless dress on. While he's wearing close-toed dress shoes, she's probably wearing heels and sometimes with her toes or ankles out. By default, she probably would get chillier than the guy. Should he give her his coat? If he's not really cold, then why not? If he is also cold, I'd suggest going somewhere neutral where you two can be comfortable. But here's a secret, guys, sometimes the woman is not cold. She just wants to smell your cologne on her clothes or be near something close to you without groping you to death. Take it as a compliment if she asks for your jacket.

Chivalry Rule #8: Should I kiss or shake her hand when I meet her?

80% of all infectious diseases are passed by human contact and chances are, if you're touching several people a day, it's with their hands. Even passing something to someone, you risk their germs being transferred to you. So why in the world would a man put his lips on a big whopping germ-filled body part? She could've just wiped sleep out of her eyes or wiped her nose with her finger, or she could've left the restroom without washing her hands. From first impression, you never know if a lady is really a lady so keep your mouth off of her. But shaking her hand is just exchanging germs. I say keep antibacterial ointment close but it's the most polite way to say hello without offending her. Hugging a woman you barely know can be seen as weird and moving too fast to many women.

I guess at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what I say because each person is different. There will be men who are determined to be as rude and tacky as possible, who think yelling out lewd comments is a great way to get a woman's attention. And there will be uptight feminists who will lose their mind at a man who wants to be cordial to them. Then there will be the other crew who enjoy giving and receiving chivalrous behavior. Whereas some women would be baffled at my opinions on chivalry, others will be nodding their heads. Whereas some men are more confused now at my ideas about chivalry, others might be pumping their arms knowing they did something right. But the best way to know how a woman feels about chivalry is to just ask her. Good luck!