Ferber Method and Attachment Style Parenting Demystified

As the birth of my first child and daughter is impending; I have looked into many parenting styles that are out there today. It's hard not to escape the "how to guides" on parenting by the so called "baby experts". The two most discussed and controversial method is the Ferber method and Attachment Style Parenting.

The Ferber method was created by Dr. Richard Ferber which utilizes the time clock method that will successfully train your baby to "self-soothe". And this would be the physician who would know all about sleeping. As the director of Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Children's Hospital in Boston; he is the leading expert on child's sleep.

This controversial method is commonly known as the cry out method where you can soothe the child intermittently but not allowed to pick up the baby. According to Baby Center, Some swear by the Ferber approach, while others claim that it creates lifelong emotional scars. The training begins in the infant's four to six months of age and starts with a soothing bedtime routine. The key is putting the baby down awake and leaving him alone to sleep on his own.

"Parents are instructed to pat and comfort their baby after each predetermined period of time, but not to pick up or feed their baby. This routine is called "progressive waiting. The suggested waiting time, which Ferber charts in his book, is based on how comfortable you are with the technique, how many days you've been using it, and how many times you've already checked on your child that night. "

Although with time, this method can be effective, and parents can get the well deserved rest they need at night; the initial period of letting the baby cry it out might be counter intuitive. Many parents, especially mothers, have admitted how painful it was to hear their baby cry and not pick them up. This might also create a detached relationship because you are not listening to the baby's needs and cues which can create distance.

The other method is called Attachment style parenting which has been made popular by renowned pediatrician, Dr. William Sears and his wife, Martha. In attachment style parenting, the emotional connection is emphasized through baby wearing with slings, breastfeeding, and the ever controversial co-sleeping.

Co-sleeping is when you sleep with your baby in the same bed. Although co-sleeping is the most favored sleeping arrangement around the world; here in the U.S., it is considered taboo and even dangerous. In an article by Kids Health, The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) and backed by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) warns parents not to place their infants to sleep in adult beds, stating that the practice puts babies at risk of suffocation and strangulation.

However, advocates of Co-sleeping argues "it isn't inherently dangerous and that the CPSC went too far in recommending that parents never sleep with children under 2 years of age. Parents won't roll over onto a baby because they're conscious of the baby's presence - even during sleep."

Attachment style parenting has its drawbacks. There is a lot of investment of time and emotional energy that is constantly being given to the baby. This could cause parental burnout and although it can be rewarding; it can also be seen as indulgent way of parenting. Parents might find opposition from generation of parents (mainly their own) that believes picking up a baby whenever the baby cries is actually spoiling the child.

According to Dr. Sears, this is not the case. "Attachment parenting is responding appropriately to your baby's needs, which means knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no." Attachment parenting is a question of balance -not being indulgent or permissive, yet being attentive."

No one said parenting was easy. And with so many experts on child rearing, it can be hard to decide which method would work best for you and your newborn baby. Whatever parenting style you choose, there can be overwhelming sense of question, did you chose the right method. I say trust your intuition and know that as long as your provide love, support and best care you can; your baby will grow into a healthy child and adult.

Resources:
The Baby Center
Kids Health
Ask Dr. Sears