Fergie: The Queen (spelling) Bee

Fergie may arguably be the hottest English teacher ever. I can't help but wonder if she can get through a song these days without spelling out a word or two. Maybe Fergie is doing the world a great service, more specifically maybe she's doing pubescent girls and boys that are glued to TRL every afternoon a great service. Would these young boys and girls, the future leaders of our country, know how to spell words such as 'glamorous' without her pop melodies and infectious rhythms leading the way? Well, maybe. But would they have a hot, half-clad, blonde in 6 inch stilettos to show them the beauty of a spelled out word without her? Definitely not. Picture your seventh grade English teacher. Now picture Fergie. See the difference?

Fergie may be the English language department's greatest secret weapon. She could end up being way more influential than the period and the comma combined (but never the exclamation point). If we could harness the power of Fergie's spelling plus the power of her can't-get-it-out-of-your-head-even-after-banging-your-face-against-a-wall-until-you-start-to-bleed-out-of-your-ears-a-little-bit songs then I think we could change the world, or at least the world's perception of the cool factor of English. I'm ahead of my time, and have always ranked incredibly high on the cool meter, so I knew about the awesomeness of diagramming sentences, the pure joy of discovering new adjectives, and of course the pinnacle of life, the chance to participate in a spelling bee, long before Fergie ever cracked open a dictionary.

Regrettably, I'm obligated to bring up the obvious. Fergie's 'misinterpretation' of the word tasty (I won't say misspelling, that's too harsh). I think if we as a culture can buy up celebrity sex tapes and send off nineteen year olds to rehab with unabashed enthusiasm surely we can let Fergie completely change the spelling of just one little word. I think the extra 'e' makes it cuter anyway, it's like an accessory. And besides maybe that's how tasty is spelled in Fergalicious land. Kind of like those crazy Brits and their color versus colour. Some words are open to spelling interpretation and I think that tasty should be added to the great list of ambiguous words. After all, she's still getting the message out there-spelling r-o-c-k-s.

We, English enthusiasts or anyone who's ever been forced to read a Shakespeare play or write a haiku, have bigger problems on our hands than the fifth letter of the alphabet anyway. I hear that the Math-ites are vying to get time on her next album, they want something like 'if you be 2x then I'll be +3 and we'll equal three halves for all eternity'. But English lovers are hardcore and we have claimed our spokeswoman and she won't be taken from us! Not by the math geeks or the science nerds and definitely not by the arts and crafts losers.

I chose to sign my life away and become one of the few, the proud, the English majors long before Fergie was pumping out the funkiest spelling bee theme songs this country has ever seen, however maybe she'll influence the younger generation. We could see a real change in what kids decide they want to be when they grow up. Screw astronauts and doctors, they want to be English majors and they want their hand written "check yes or no if you kind of sort of like me" letter written out grammatically correct damnit! And for that Fergie, I s-a-l-u-t-e you.