Fertility Testing: How a Husband Can Help with Support

To me, every month that I wasn't pregnant seemed like an eternity and was full of disappointment. If you've read my other articles, then you know that I tried for six months--nothing compared to others, but at the time it seemed unbearable to me. I couldn't imagine why I wasn't pregnant right away, it seems like that's the way it's supposed to happen. I've had friends who have made the observation that is so true--you spend most of your life trying not to get pregnant, when it comes time to get pregnant you don't realize how many things have to be aligned for it to actually happen.

Fertility can be tough on an individual and particularly on a couple going through it. My experience was tough on me, but thankfully my husband was just wonderful, loving, and so supportive. That is no surprise with him, but it really made the fertility chapter much easier to get through with him by my side. It feels as though everyone around you is pregnant when you are trying and having a wonderful husband to lean on makes you feel a bit less isolated. I have many friends that have struggled with fertility, and it can really wear on you after awhile. I know as a friend that I try to reach out to them, but I know that they are in good hands as they all have extremely involved and supportive husbands to hold their hands through it all. If you ever get to the point of fertility testing, this can add stress and frustration to the fertility experience. So how can you be a supportive husband? What can you ask of your husband to make your experience a little more bearable? Here are a few things that worked well for me and that I've seen help my friends in the same experience.

*Be a good listener to your wife. Sometimes a woman just needs to vent and have somebody there to listen and be her sounding board. We don't always expect that you will have the answers or know the right thing to say, but it helps to know that we can depend on you as our husband and our friend.

*Be present at the testing if possible. Work schedules sometimes prohibit this, but if you can be there to hold our hand in the sometimes uncomfortable fertility testing. Just knowing that you are there with us makes it a little less intimidating.

*Tell us your feelings on the subject of fertility. We are in this as a team, and even if the woman has to go through the extensive testing, we want to know what you're thinking. We want to know that you are going through the process with us and understand how this affects you too. (we know that it does, it's not just about us)

*Do your homework. This may sound silly, but if you do a little bit of reading or research and understand what we're going through, it shows us your involvement and commitment to the fertility process. We know that women will dive into any and all reading materials and don't expect the same of you, but knowing that you put forth the effort to understand what it's all about goes a long way.

*Do your part. We recognize that fertility testing is mostly about the woman, but there are opportunities along the way for the man to be tested. Women know that this is not something that most men want to think about, but if the occasion comes up for fertility testing on the male side please be open to it.

*Be patient with us. This is a very strenuous and exhausting process, both mentally and physically. There will be days where we are just hormonal or moody for no seemingly good reason, but just be patient with us and recognize that this can take a toll. Don't judge us if we're having a bad day.

*Try not to compare us to others. Everybody's fertility journey is different, and though you may have heard of something that worked well for others, it may or may not work well for us. Talking about it is fine, but please don't compare us and show signs of frustration if something that worked for somebody else doesn't work for us.

The fertility journey can be a tough one, but knowing that a woman has her husband there for her makes it so much more bearable. Just being there to hold our hands in fertility testing, or listen to our concerns can not only calm our fears but help us through the next phase. Ultimately we hope to be able to enjoy a pregnancy and a baby with you, so your help now can make us a more unified team for the good things later on.