Fibromyalgia and Sex Part 2

You are in pain all the time, tired all the time, all you want to do is find a corner and curl up and sleep- when the heck could you possibly want to have sex, much less actually do it?

Well, you'd be surprised at the tricks the human body can play on us- I've had moments of intense desire right in the middle of some of my worst flares. Talk about a quandary!

But part of being in a relationship is having sex, and if you were in a relationship before you were afflicted with fibro, your spouse or significant other might be a bit upset at the changes that you've undergone- heck, you might be a little upset at the changes you've undergone! If you (or they) are wondering where the desire has gone, or looking for ways to bring it back, here are a few tips you can put in your little black book and drag out when you need them.

Sometimes, all it takes is the right atmosphere... It's hard to get in the mood when the house is a wreck, the bills are sitting on your desk reminding you that you were supposed to go over them *last* Wednesday, and the cat is pestering you that its food dish is empty. Maybe a night out at that little hotel down the road is just what the sex doctor ordered. Changing the atmosphere can perk up the desire quotient faster than you can say "Doctor Ruth." On the other hand, if you're the type (like me!) who absolutely cannot BEAR to leave the house a wreck, use the money you'd spend on the hotel and hire a maid! You'd be surprised at how good it feels to have a clean house, and also how good it feels *not* to have to be the one to do it! A clean house and a rested you can be the ticket to a nice night of TLC- for you and your spouse!

Speaking of TLC... You might need to give yourself a little TLC to get in the right place to be able to share some of that tender lovin' with your other half. If you're sore and tired and just NOT in the mood, try taking a hot bath to soothe some of the aches and pains. If you're still working, take a day off from work, sleep in, give yourself permission to baby yourself- and then surprise your other half with some special 'us' time when they get home. It'll do *you* good to have the break, and it'll do your relationship good to have them be reminded of how much you DO desire them.

Try the chocolate... You've heard chocolate is an aphrodisiac, right? Well, try it! I don't mean *just* the chocolate, either. Look up which foods are aphrodisiacs, find some recipes, and make a special meal full of them, to experiment with! See if it works. Sometimes, just the act of making a meal with your significant other in mind can really help you to get in the right mood- but a little extra insurance can't hurt, right?

Watch a movie for two... I know some of you are aghast right now, but hear me out. Watching a pornographic movie with your spouse can be a real turn on if you can get past the Puritanical upbringing that most of us have had- and if you can get past the embarrassment. Plus, there are some really good movies made especially *for* couples now! You can't go wrong- and you never know, you might just learn something new that really floats your boat. It's worth a try, right?

If all else fails... If you've tried everything and you're still having no desire, then it's time to call in the big guns- go see your doctor, because it could be a medication that you're on, you could be experiencing a physical problem, or it could even be something very serious in your psychological makeup that you really need to address. Because physical desire is natural and is good- if you're not there with your partner the way you used to be, definitely do all you can to find out why and fix the problem. Your partner will thank you for it, and your body will, too.