Fifteen How To's for a Happier Life

1. How to get over wasting the best years of your life on a useless, good for nothing bum:

Get a new bum.

2. How to keep from giving up:

Keep trying.

3. How to get a terrible stain out of a favorite article of clothing:

Scissors.

4. How to have a more organized house:

Put stuff away.

5. How to sleep better at night:

Work harder during the day.

6. How to stop blaming your parents for your dysfunctional childhood:

Blame their parents'-parents.

7. How to improve your body image:

Take care of the elderly.

8. How to feel more comfortable in your own skin:

Walk a mile in someone else's.

9. How to stop spreading nasty gossip about other people:

Start some nasty gossip about yourself and see how it feels when it gets back to you.

10. How to make absolutely sure you don't marry the wrong person:

Don't get married.

11. How to make sure you do marry the right person:

Become the right person.

12. How to stop procrastinating:

Get started.

13. How to get over the fear of public speaking:

Practice naked in front of your friends and family.

14. How to stop seeing the glass as half empty:

Fill it up more.

15. How to survive life's biggest challenges:

Don't sweat the small stuff!