Fighting Dirty: An MMA Fan Reviews 'Never Surrender'

I'm a fan of mixed martial arts, and have been ever since Royce Gracie choked out Gerard Gordeau at UFC 1. So when I saw Never Surrender in my local Redbox kiosk, I just had to rent it. The guest appearances read like a who's who of the UFC: Quenton 'Rampage' Jackson, Georges St-Pierre, Anderson Silva, and many more. So, for the paltry investment of one dollar (and 87 minutes of my life that I'll never get back), I came home with the DVD and prepared myself for an all-out butt-kicking carnival of carnage.

What I got was rather less impressive.

The Premise

Diego Carter is a mixed martial arts champion. He's got the title belt, he's got flocks of groupies, and he's got really cool friends like GSP and Rampage. But none of this can keep him from being seduced into the evil world of an illegal fighting circuit that doubles as a human trafficking ring. But they're not trafficking fighters; instead, each fighter is rewarded for their victory with a female 'consort' who exists only for the fighter's pleasure.

On a strict training regimen of sex, hot-tubbing, sex, fighting, and sex, Carter rapidly rises through the ranks. He is befriended by Stone, an underground cage fighter played by Heath Herring, who seems like less of a douchebag than the other fighters because he's fallen in love with his own consort.

The real conflict emerges when Carter has a light bulb moment and suddenly realizes that the hot consorts are little more than sex slaves, and slavery is wrong! Fortified by this spontaneous outbreak of human decency, Carter decides to take on the leader of the fighting circuit, one Seifer (pronounced Cipher). Seifer's a bad mofo, and crazy to boot. But he's even more ancient than Carter, so there might be a chance.

Will Carter succeed? Will the girls go free? Do I even need to ask these questions? If you graduated from pre-school, you could have probably written the script yourself, only better.

The No-Holds-Barred Review

Watch the trailer. Go on, I'll wait.

Did you see how they make it look like the fighters have central roles in the film? Did that get your hopes up? If so, I hope you're used to disappointment. Most of them have short cameo appearances, just enough to pander to MMA fans. I felt manipulated and betrayed, but not really surprised, by that fact.

This film stirred up so many emotions that it's hard to share them without using a timeline. In the beginning, I was all giddy to see some of my favorite MMA fighters in a movie. Then I was concerned, but still cautiously optimistic, when I saw how old and out of place the "champion" looked. (If you're over 40 and still doing MMA, it helps to be Randy Couture. This guy is no Randy Couture.)

My optimism wilted when I got my first glimpse of Diego Carter's moves. Imagine over-the-top fight choreography that uses lots of high-flying kicks, flips, and spins. Now imagine how useful those moves would be in an actual MMA competition. Now you feel my pain.

Look, I won't lie to you. Save your dollar, because this movie was bad. It wasn't even laughably bad. Bad movies have a special place in my heart, and I watch them regularly. But the horrible writing, the bad acting (except for Heath Herring, who was surprisingly decent), and the relentless sexual montages blended with the bad fighting and the violently misogynistic overtones to create some sort of unholy DVD-shaped life form that lures its victims with promises it has no intentions of keeping.

Other Random Lameness

Every match was preceded by a badly-rendered CGI octagon and what looks like the fighter selection screen from a mediocre video game. Was this really necessary?

Georges St-Pierre was adorable in his role as the sensible friend who tries to save Carter from his chosen path of debauchery. But someone decided it would be a good idea to dub over St-Pierre's voice with another heavily accented one. Was that really necessary?

Plus, I waited through most of the movie to catch a glimpse of Anderson Silva. I mean, he's Anderson Silva; surely he wouldn't stand for all this nonsense. Surely he would land a razor-sharp knee to the bad guy's head and bring down the ring of human trafficking with a single, godly blow. But no. He displayed his dissatisfaction with the system by... well, pretty much dying. I found this to be completely unrealistic, because he's Anderson Silva, and thus cannot be killed.

Also unrealistic: The sad street throw-down between BJ Penn, Rampage Jackson, and some random drunk guys. It's one thing to talk smack to a world class mixed martial artist. I don't personally recommend it, but I'm sure it happens. It's quite another to stagger up to Rampage Jackson and punch him in the face. (I'm not even sure what happened after that. I think Rampage may have actually killed the dude. Either way, Drunk Idiot #1 was never seen nor heard from again.)

Most unrealistic of all: Well, the whole movie, really. It's way too flashy and contrived. It reminds me of a 12-year-old's vision of what it means to be an MMA champ: three-fourths rock star bling and hot groupie buffets, and one-fourth smashing the faces of all who dare to talk smack. Save your money and your dignity, and leave Never Surrender on the shelf.

Sources:

1. Janna Weiss. Reviewer & Survivor, JannaWeiss.com.
2. Internet Movie Database. ("Never Surrender - 2009"), IMDB.com.