Finally: The Meaning of Life

You realize that despite all indications to the contrary we are all perched on a blue rock hurtling through the universe on a journey to who-knows-where.

Our paper thin (unbelievably fragile) atmosphere is all that protects us from the void; from a blood-boiling brief, but excruciating, demise in the near-vacuum of space. Our existence so delicate that if an angel farts in our direction we're toast.

What, you may ask, has this to do with the meaning of life? A little, and a lot, as it turns out.

It would appear that after millennia - nay eons - of evolution that our purpose has finally been pinpointed. The voyages of Darwin, Scott, Aldrin, the interplanetary space journeys; the discoveries of Newton, Edison, Galileo and Einstein have, at last, brought us to the center of it all, to the essence of meaning, the holiest of holies, sweet Jesus, the journey's end. The meaning of life is...the mall.

Really?

Is that all there is? It that IT? No spiritual encounter; no fantastic revelations, no blazing flash of blinding light?

Nope. Doesn't seem so. The end of the world, according to our consumerist human race, may come as long as it's mid-week in January when the sales are over.

We are in the midst of an economic meltdown as yet unseen in the history of the world; perhaps of the universe, if those Mars nerds with their remote control gismos are to be believed.

However we are also in the midst of a hectic shopping calendar around which everything revolves. Holidays, SuperBowl, Valentines Day, Easter, Birthdays, and Anniversaries - all have become the new Stations of the Cross; the summing up of the Midrash; our existential guide to the universe. It can be summed up as follows. If it's April it must be Easter - let's buy Bunny eggs.

No wonder the Muslims hate us.

As earthly passengers we have become, as described in the 'Matrix', (a movie of great promise with a lousy ending) a virus; all consuming, all possessing, all over the place.

Granted seven billion heartbeats have to be fed, cleansed and entertained but geeze, at what cost? The essence of modern life support has become fast-food, Budweiser, Netflix, (free) on-line porn and the one world religion, shopping.

The acute concern isn't that we might be wiped out by a super-volcano (Yellowstone is rumbling rather peculiarly lately) or that a stray asteroid might wobble our orbit by slamming into the Pacific at 500 billion MPH. No, what worries us is the implosion of credit, the catastrophic decrease in our purchasing power; that our favorite stores may go bankrupt and leave us unfulfilled and wanting. (Damn-it, I knew I should have bought that 600 thread count sheet set at Linen's 'n Things while there was still time).

Is this what the scriptures foretold? Did Torah, the New Testament, the Koran, all point to this? I don't recall 'Mall" or "online shopping" anywhere in my biblical studies. Where are the horrors promised us for enjoying worldly rewards or was that just the Irish-Catholic version?

Compared to some of the entertainment our children experience, the book of revelations seems so, well dated, so as to barely qualify as a ride at a theme park. I mean com'on, four horsemen, is that the best they could do? I guess they never foresaw the terminal, concussive results of a fuel-air explosion, a cluster-bomb, or the humble, but ever popular, AK-47.

The plagues, inquisitions, wars, famines, pestilence, disease, sickness, Bill O'Reilly, Gonorrhea, Martin Luther, what's-her-face-Coulter, Genghis Khan, the Roman Legions, Jesus. The human race went through all that so we could go...shopping? Who'd have thunk?

And to think that the meaning of life could be so obvious?

Or so dull?