Financial Abuse: How My Grandmother Lost Her Home

By the time we discovered that my grandmother was being financially abused, the crimes had gone unnoticed for nearly a decade. This crime was of life altering magnitude, as my grandmother was forced to sell the home she'd lived in for nearly 50 years. The most saddening fact is that this financial abuse was not committed by an unknown credit-card thief, or a faceless corporation, but by her youngest son, Alan.

The first of his financial abuses against my grandmother occurred when she was most vulnerable, shortly after my grandfather's death. Still in mourning, she was easily convinced to give him $10,000. Alan would later insist this money was a gift. Possibly because of her emotional state at the time, my grandmother did not remember giving him this "gift."

My grandfather had always been in charge of all the financial business. My grandmother had never so much as balanced a checkbook before his death, so it was difficult for her to assume the complicated management of general bills along with my grandfather's final expenses. The financial confusion after my grandfather's death could have been avoided if they'd only had better communication about these affairs. I suggest that couples discuss finances, and know the location of important documents in case of emergency, illness, or death.

Over the next several years Alan would "borrow" from my grandmother often. She accumulated thousands of dollars worth of IOU's scrawled on napkins and scraps of paper. Only rarely would he ever give her any sort of repayment. She knew this but it being her son, she gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he would return her favors one day. I think that she just tried not to think about the money he owed her because she didn't want to anger him, and could not face the reality that he was taking advantage of her.

No one in the family knew that Alan's debt to her was so large. She never mentioned it, and wasn't keeping track. This was another communication failure. Had we known this was going on, we would have ended it. Situations like this can be avoided if you learn to say "No." to family members or friends who have failed to repay you in the past. If they pressure you, tell someone. If their asking turns into threats or their manner makes you uncomfortable, tell the police.

Eventually, through various lies and schemes my uncle had drained my grandfather's retirement accounts. She'd given all that she had to give, save her own monthly social security checks, and some small investments. Alan began to take my grandmother out to dinner, alone, without my mother, whom she lived with. One day, when Alan helped my grandmother into the car, and drove away leaving my mother on the curb, mom became very suspicious. She questioned Alan and he responded with anger, and after asking my grandmother, she dropped the subject. If you have any suspicion that you or someone you know is being abused, call adult protective services or investigate, immediately. Don't ignore the situation because it's upsetting.

In actuality, Alan had been taking my grandmother to the bank. He had lied to her saying he needed money to pay for a car-accident he caused so that he could avoid going to jail. She signed a home equity loan for $250,000. She kept it a secret. He had sole access to the account, including a card to withdraw money, and he was the only one who received a billing statement. Every month he would use money from the loan to make the minimum payment allowed. Never take out a loan for someone else. Also, read and understand paperwork in full before signing.

Months later my mother was arranging something with the bank and found out about the loan. The account had been nearly emptied in less than a year. She confronted my grandmother who told her about his legal troubles, my mother investigated this and found his car-accident story to be false. Financial abusers often manipulate their victims in this way. Don't automatically believe a story, no matter how dire it seems. Ask for evidence.

We convinced my grandmother that she was being lied to and to ask him to return the money. He refused. Then came the task of trying to prove to the bank that a fraud had occurred. The key piece of evidence that the fraud department used was the police report, which was full of glaring inaccuracies. My grandmother was very distracted and upset at the time, she was also lacking documents that could have helped her case. If you need to make a police report, take some time at home to carefully prepare a statement, and gather relevant documents. Also, make sure to check the report for inaccuracies before it is submitted.

The officer's handwriting is barely legible, and the report makes it seem as if they were in business together because of the fact that he would put many of his business purchases in her name, or in that of his dead father. There was no way to prove that she did not make the purchases. The fraud department decided that this was not a fraud, but a business deal. The police report needs to be rewritten, and the case resubmitted, which will take a lot of time and money. However, it is something that my grandmother is unable to handle on her own, and as a university student, I barely have the time to manage it for her. My next step is to find alawyer who is trustworthy and specializes in elder law to handle the case for us, at least in civil court if a criminal case is impossible, but it's likely we won't see but a small portion of the money.

The largely variable monthly payment on such a sizeable loan was barely affordable for my grandmother, and we had sell the house so that the loan could be paid off to eliminate the immediate threat of foreclosure. I hope that we can work backwards in a sense to regain what we've lost.

Using the remainder of the profit from the sale of the home, we were scarcely able to find anything within her means to purchase. No house in the greater Los Angeles area was affordable. Luckily, we were just able to afford a new manufactured home in a park in Chatsworth. She became depressed after moving, as the reality of the situation sunk in, but she tries to find things to enjoy about her new life. She misses having a yard, her long-time neighbors, and her old bedroom. She never told Alan where she moved, and has severed all contact. She likely misses him too-or at least, her illusion of him.