Find a Grave Brings Family, Living and the Dead, Together

Do you know where Humphrey Bogart is buried? How about Nathaniel Hawthorne? Better yet, what about your great-aunt Bessie on your mother's side? If you cannot answer these questions, then you haven't been to one of the hottest sites on the Internet, Find a Grave, or as it is known to those who frequent the site, F.A.G. Not only will you be able to find out where Bogie's resting place is, but you will find a whole community of people who share the same common interests as you.

With a name like Find a Grave, you would probably expect to find nothing but celebrities. But that is not the case. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, soldiers…they are all among over twelve million names listed from all over the world, although a majority of the names do come from the United States. The people who enter names are called contributors and stroll through cemeteries around their cities and counties, writing down names and taking pictures of the headstones. They later enter this information in the Find a Grave database and upload photos of the headstones.

But Find a Grave isn't just a site for the dead. This site is also for the living. People go to the discussion forums to discuss everything from current events to sharing a good joke someone sent them to asking for prayers when they are going through a difficult time. The support that everyone offers each other, people that they have never met in their lives, is overwhelming, surprising and wonderful. Ask for a prayer if you are going through a difficult time and you'll have dozens of people praying for you and offering support. Leave a post saying that someone near and dear to you died on a particular day, people will visit their memorial page and leave virtual flowers. Celebrate your kid's birthday or a great report card and they will celebrate with you.

I, too, am a contributor to Find a Grave. I started out searching for family in North Carolina and from there, I began to enter other family members. When I'm not working on my family, I work on national cemeteries. Why? Because of three young men from our family that were killed during World War II. They should not be forgotten, along with the millions of other men and women who have served and died defending their country. If I applied the same questions to myself that I asked everyone else, the answers would be the same. Find a Grave encourages a strong sense of community with thousands of people from all over the world. A.J. was right when he said that strolling through a cemetery is very peaceful. My son also goes with me when I go for a cemetery stroll and I have even managed to get my husband interested, too. There is no better way to honor and remember the people you love than by sharing the memories you have of them with others.

I decided to ask a few people about Find a Grave to see what kept them coming to the site day after day. I will be using the nicknames they use on the forum boards.

How did you come across Find a Grave?

ChelleK: I was browsing in about '97 and I was looking for information about someone. I can't remember who. But that search brought me here and I've been here browsing ever since. I just joined the forums about 2 years ago though!

Auntysuz: I was told about FAG by an online friend who was helping me in my genealogy research.

Debb (shelsmom): I was searching family names in various genealogy sites and ran across my 1/2 sister's
name as a contributor to FAG. I hit the links to see who she had listed in her interments and one name jumped out at me, my son, Sheldon. He died in 1998 and some of the information listed there was incorrect. I contacted A.J. Marik and he responded to my email immediately. He explained tome what FAG was about and told me he could transfer ownership over to me. As I corrected the info he was very patient and helpful and before the night was over I had my very first interment and an invite to the forums. That was 2 yrs and over 200 interments ago.

What keeps you coming back to the site?

ChelleK: I keep coming back for several reasons. As pathetic as this is going to sound, the lounge is my social life. I've made many friends here and it's just a fun, great place to be. I also like exploring on the main site. There is so much history on FAG and so much to learn about all the people listed.

Louis: I have quite a few memorials I visit quite frequently. Plus I have made a lot of good friends here. For me it is just an extension of my family. It is a very important part of my daily life.

Auntysuz: I like being able to "visit" the interments of my loved ones, and the famous favorites I have on Find a Grave. I also like being able to give something back to the genealogy community, because I appreciate all the "free stuff" that's out there. I have made some wonderful friends through FAG and some I've even met in person. All that, and I met my husband on Find a Grave's message boards!!

Debb: FAG is a wonderful learning tool for doing genealogy, stone and cemetery preservation. You can list loved ones and have a place to go and honor them when you can't go to their graves. You can pay respects to anyone from history figures to celebrities. FAG is a support group, made up of people from all over the world and from all walks of life, there is always someone there willing to help you whether it be in searching or just needing to talk. I am a novice at this yet but have been able to be there for people who need a shoulder or personal advice. I am a volunteer photographer, which means I will go to cemeteries close by and get pictures of graves and headstones for those that cannot, and post them on their loved ones interment sites. It sounds trivial but it really is comforting to many to be able to see a loved one's headstone.

How important is it to you?

ChelleK: Well, I'd have to say very important. When my computer's down I want to cry. Seriously though, it's important because I think preserving all the names in history, whether it be non-famous or famous, is essential for future generations. Headstones don't last forever and paperwork gets lost. This way it's cataloged and will last as long as we have computers.

Debb: I have made so many friends through this site in just the two years I have been here, that alone is worth the staying.

What would you say about Find a Grave to someone who has never been to the site before?

ChelleK: I think I would tell you what an incredibly interesting site F.A.G. is, how friendly and helpful the contributors are and how it's such an important tool for the preservation of history.

Louis: A great place to honor family, friends and loved ones and to learn about history.

Auntysuz: Find a Grave provides an avenue to remember the deceased loved ones, and it is especially meaningful for those who are far from that actual gravesite. It is also a plethora of genealogical information.

So who are the people behind Find a Grave? Jim Tipton started the site in 1995 because he had a hobby that he enjoyed and discovered that there were thousands of other people around the world who shared the same hobby. The site grew so quickly that it has become a full-time job for him and he discovered he needed some help. Enter A.J. Marik, who came across Find a Grave in 1997. "I began submitting memorials and photos to Find a Grave creator Jim Tipton long before there was an easy user interface for such things," A.J. said. "This, of course, inundated poor Jim with hundreds of emails by yours truly. I believe that this forced him into creating the user interfaces which you see today...just so that I would get off his back. It turned out that he liked my submissions and photos so much, he offered me a position as site administrator. I've been at it for about six years now". When asked what he would tell a newcomer to the site, A.J. responded, "I would first tell you that it's the most fascinating site on the internet...and on so many different levels. It's full of pure history, engrossing stories, surprising oddities, trashy tabloid-like scandal, celebrities, and little-known factoids that keep you going from memorial page to memorial page. Not to mention it is a comprehensive grave-finding index containing well over 12 million entries of common folks and the famous alike. A lot of people automatically think "morbid" when they see anything connected with the deceased and cemeteries. Nothing could be farther from the truth of what Find a Grave is all about. It is a celebration of past lives in a historical context. Great fun to explore, yet respectfully presented. There's nothing else quite like it in existence."

A.J. spends quite a bit of time strolling through cemeteries with his camera, so I asked him what he found so fascinating about them. "I personally have felt fascinated by them since I was a child. Never afraid of them or worried or apprehensive about exploring them. My parents would bring me to the local cemeteries when they would leave flowers for relatives, and I would find myself walking among the endless rows of headstones reading the names, wondering who these people were and what their lives were like. I remember looking for the oldest dates I could find, and finding the oddest names. "Loftus H. Thackaberry" comes to mind. Anyway, to this day, cemeteries give me great sense of history, as well as my mortality, and they are always good for a peaceful, introspective stroll."

Historically speaking, A.J. says that each contribution by Find a Grave users documents a little slice of history. "Documenting someone's bio and their final resting place is inarguably a very important thing. Whether it's a famous person, or just a common bloke like myself, a Find a Grave entry puts everyone on the same level of importance...as they should be. Each life is historically significant, and this resource called Find a Grave helps to document and insure that these lives are remembered."

Russ Dodge is another administrator for the site, with a strong interest in military cemeteries. He corrects the hundreds of mistakes that other contributors find on memorial pages, which takes quite a bit of time and patience, as well as cases of Mountain Dew and Cheetos. Michael Cinkosky helps with software and database development, which keeps him very busy because of the number of entries that are made each day on the main site. Mark St. Andre also joined the team in 1999 as a graphic designer and also designs user interfaces to help make the contributors' lives so much easier. Finally, there are three "Email Queens": Jennifer, Katrina, and Tanya, who patiently read and answer all the emails that are sent to Find a Grave every single day.

By the way, Humphrey Bogart is buried at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Los Angeles, Nathaniel Hawthorne is buried at Sleepy Hollow Cemetery in Concord, Massachusetts, and I'm afraid I don't know where your great-aunt Bessie is buried at.

www.findagrave.com