Find Your Match: How to Spot the Diamonds in the Rough

You can find your match if you follow these tips here. When you have been out of the singles scene for a while and find yourself back in it dating once more, then you might have some questions. You may be surprised to find that it gets trickier to spot the diamonds in the ruff. If that is the case then you need to consider some things before you head out to find your match.

First of all, there is a change, as you get older. Dating today is different from your last experience if it has been a few years. Check out some of the do and don'ts of the scene first. Once you do that, you are ready to head into spotting the diamond in the ruff. Here are some tips.

Look for the guy or girl that is thinking about how to improve their life in some way

People that want to improve their life in some way, generally tend to be sensitive to others and have a positive lifestyle. It is a good sign of a well-mannered person. It goes beyond the "showing up on time", "speaking politely and respectfully" and "paying the bill on the date".

While some people may do that, it even goes further than that. Look for the people that like you for who you are as a person. Some might say that you should also watch for signs that show it. Watch a person's general behavior. The old adage of "watch what they do, not what they say", is true in this case. So, make sure that the person is doing what they are saying. It is bad manners to fake being into something just to land a date. It lends itself to a dishonest person showing their true colors. Be aware, that somebody might just be new to a sport or pastime and find that it doesn't suit them. It's just a point to note on people and manners.

You have to be in sync with one another too. So, ensure that these common improvements match yours. For example, say you both just joined a hiking group to help your physical strength and health. If you really love hiking and they do as well, then you have some common ground where you can get ahead. Your relationship, once it begins will be enhanced by the common ground that you now share.

One word of caution, some people are serial "joiners". They get into something and really don't stick with it. They might be bored with their life and just looking for some excitement. If you are really into the love of hiking, for example, then make sure that it rings true for them as well. I've met people that are into things just because you are. Those can't really become a long-term fun relationship because you end up doing so much alone that you end up drifting apart from one another. While some alone time is essential to a healthy person, you have to have something in common for it to last.

Watch for the person that thinks that your vices are virtues

While it might sound odd, it really is a fantastic way to find happiness while dating. Also realize that this only applies if you like yourself. So, know who are first, and then go find someone that thinks that "who you are" is right for them.

One example is one of my past relationships. This particular person said that they had never met anyone that understood their way of thinking. The person shared that with me after I said that, they were a lot of fun. Normally the "fun" that I liked, other people had hated. My date felt joy and happiness in the fact that acceptance had finally been achieved in dating. I felt happy because it suited me perfectly. In the end, the relationship would have been ideal for something long term if other aspects matched up. This shows the point though about vices and virtues. You want to find a person to date that thinks that you are right for them for more reasons than just the physical.

Ask them how long they have lived alone

This one might strike you as strange. It is important though. If you are dating one of the "single and never married" people, then you need to realize that these people that have lived alone their whole lives, have done so for a reason. Don't think that you have found a diamond in the rough because of this.

Many people that I know that are single have even shared that they live alone because they want to love alone. People like that do not work out in any relationship. That's because the meaning of relationship is to actually engage in one another's lives. I'm not endorsing rushing living together, but you do need to make sure that the person that you are investing your time with is actually capable of having a relationship. I have met many a man that spend hours bellyaching about how they can't get a woman to stay. I look at their lives and see a wonderful house, life, and person and then realize that their dilemma doesn't add up. Note one important point on this subject while we are on it if you ever meet a person that brags that they are "single and never married" and you are "divorced" and that somehow you have "failed", run. These are the kind of people that are typically sociopath and judgmental. They aren't looking for a relationship. They are looking for someone to make them feel better about "how superior they are". They will never love anyone.

This one is a simple question to ask in order to find that diamond in the ruff. Just ask it to get the information that you need in order to find your match. Once you get the answer, you will be able to tell from your instinct typically.

Look for the ones that take responsibility for their part in their last break up

Any relationship has two people. While their are exceptions to this in cases of abuse, most people would share that they had a role in the break up of their last meaningful relationship. Taking responsibility is important to a person's character. The diamonds in the ruff will own up to the truth. They will be upfront with you about their issues so you can decide if they suit you. That speaks very highly of a date. Consider this, it's a biggie.

If the person fails to mention it after a few dates or conversations, then ask how their last relationship ended. You might even find that you like them even more because of what they say or think about the subject. Just watch for the talkers. Those that talk and do not do are liars or worse. As you go forward dating them, remember what they said. Compare it to them later to see if they really have respectful manners with you.

Sex

Yes, it's the big word. Sex, is a huge issue to finding the diamond in the rough. You can both love one another completely. As a couple, you might be compatible on every single thing. If you are not sexually compatible though, then you need to move on down the line. Now, don't talk about it right up front but you need to cover this subject in order to find your match.

I know a man who wishes to remain anonymous, that had a special fetish. His lifestyle was hidden for years and ended up as the breaking point of his marriage because he wasn't compatible in sex with his wife. Go beyond the libido subject for now. Ask the difficult questions of your date as you begin getting serious. Make sure that you can both be happy together in regards to sex. Cover everything that you think should remain hidden. Creating a relationship is not going to work with secrets like that. They will eventually find out and things will blow up in your face. Be honest and open about whom you are. I've heard some people share that they have to hide it. I look at them and wonder how on earth they live. Living a lie would be impossible. Don't try it. Now that you are dating, really look for what you need and not what you have to settle for.

You can get through this and be successful. You can find your match and discover the diamond in the rough if you follow these tips. Remember, ask the questions and get the results that you want.