Find a Peaceful Quality of Life in Mexico

The appeal of México is immediate. Whether it is the long, warm sandy beaches of Puerto Vallarta with its marvelous nightlife and eco-jungle tours, or whether it's the mountain life of México's highlands with stable year-round temperatures and provincial conservatism, México is an appealing place. More than one or two couples have come for a vacation and have ended up buying property on an impulse. This happens more than you would think.

When we came for a Spanish study vacation one of the many things that caught our immediate attention was the lack of tension in the environment. You know exactly what I mean if you are an American. There was not the wild-eyed sense of stress that seems these days to dominate America. We didn't see the same stresses causing the prevailing rage that causes such havoc on American streets.

Do not misunderstand me here. I've written of this in past books and articles and get such rancor filled e-mails from my fellow Americans who think that I consumed with bitterness against America. I am not. I am neither bitter nor angry. One of the reasons why I am not either of those things is because I live in a country in which these negative and life-wasting emotions are replaced by a different worldview and it is, thank God, contagious.

Whatever the cause, let's face it: There is an attitude of rage in America that dominates our lives. You cannot go the supermarket, the mall, or drive down the street without seeing it or being a victim or perpetrator of it. My purpose mentioning this is not to harangue about the faults of America. I've left the United States and no longer living there have, in a real sense, forfeited the right to complain and gripe about the country of my birth. All I am doing is making an observation. I am saying that one of the most attractive things about where we live, in the center of México, is the lack of public rage that once made us too terrified to leave the confines of our home in America.

Road Rage

"As Americans spend more time in their cars, racing to and from work, navigating suburbia and fuming in sprawl-induced gridlock, incidences of aggressive driving, or "road rage" have drastically increased. Last year the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration declared road rage the most pressing traffic safety problem facing America today."

Road Rage is defined as,

"...Road rage is defined as an incident in which "an angry or impatient motorist or passenger intentionally injures or kills another motorist, passenger, or pedestrian, or attempts or threatens to injure or kill another motorist, passenger or pedestrian." In this sense, road rage incidents can be distinguished from other traffic incidents by their willful and criminal nature. They are serious crimes that just happen to occur within the roadway environment."

My purpose being to observe and report, I will not draw any sort of conclusion as to why Road Rage is so prevalent on America's roadways. The simple fact that it is and it is a huge problem. It being the most pressing traffic safety problem facing American today is not, and get this, the result of alcohol or drugs. Only one quarter of the Road Rage incidents are because of intoxicants. More than 75% of the incidents are cases where Americans refuse to control their anger. Do you think there is a lesson in that statement about Americans? Even under "moderately car congested" highway and street conditions, Americans cannot control their tempers.

My wife and I were victims of a Road Rage incident in Kansas City some years ago where we believed this guy was going to kill us. We were driving home at night from the movies. It had started raining, the streets were slick, and the water-covered asphalt was deceptive. I didn't see that I was in a left-turn lane and a street divider was coming up fast. I thought I was going straight. I had to slam on my brakes to keep from colliding with the divider. This young man, behind me, had to slam on his brakes to keep from rear-ending me.

Everyone was fine, no one was hurt, and I thought that was it. This guy, in his gigantic truck, chased us in our little Metro for blocks trying to crash into the driver's side of the car and run us off the road. You have thought that he should have collided in the rear-ender and finish us off then. But instead, he chased us trying to kill us after the fact. Like a crazed beast bent on completing the killing of his hapless prey, he chased us for blocks until finally giving up.

Now, why someone would do that, and according to the study, I've quoted, only one quarter does it because of intoxicants, is not my call here. I have opinions for sure, but that is not the point of this book. The point is that where I live in México, I have yet to see or hear of some maniac chasing down someone with their car and killing them because of their irrational and psychotic anger. Yet, in America, it is, "...the most pressing traffic safety problem facing America today."

I cannot begin to convey what a relief it is not to have to deal with this rage syndrome that seems to control so much of American life today. Not only do we not drive anymore, but also it is not even necessary to own a car here. However, I watch the news in México, and road rage seems to be absent from the Mexican scene. If it happens, it does not happen the areas in which we've lived.

Going Postal

This term no longer applies to mass killings at your local post office. It applies to any sort of Rage Murder that began as the popular expression of some American's anger in the 1980's and is with us even today. Whether it a massacre that happens in the workplace, schools, shopping malls, or restaurants, is this not indicative of something much, much greater than a gasping and a clicking of the tongue, "Oh, isn't this just terrible?" I mean, is this not what we've all become so desensitized to do? Is this not indicative, rather, of a society that has stopped working at almost all its levels?

If you don't get killed by a raging maniac while in your car trying to get to work, the store, or a restaurant you just might be terminated when all you wanted was some Chinese takeout. How does anyone live like that anymore? My sister works in a public school and her only son attends a public school. I worry about them-a lot. How do you cope with sending your child off to an American public school not knowing just which angry child is going to bring his daddy's arsenal to school and finish off anything that moves? Just how do you know?

To answer just a few of the critics of my first book, THE PLAIN TRUTH ABOUT LIVING IN MÉXICO, where they labeled me as bitter and angry: I was never any of those things. I was scared. I was too terrified to live in a country any more where something no one wants to admit is happening. The deconstructing of life is but one suggestion. But, then again, I am just here to make observations.

We no longer have to live in fear in México. We just don't. We can go to the store, the shopping malls, and the restaurant and not fear that someone is going to burst through the doors and kill us where we sit or stand. That, my dear readers, was so appealing that we would have done (and did) whatever it took to change our lives from Americans to Mexicans. We are now Americans in name only and could never return to the land of our origins. The appeal of living in a Rage Free Existence is so great that the payoff is far greater than living in America.

Though some may find it hard to understand, it is how we feel. It what we've been able to do about our lot in life. I know not all Americans can do what we've done. But, we found a way and have never, not for one second, regretted our decision. Never. One "reader reviewer" of our first book wrote disgustedly that I was expressing a huge bias for living in México. To this I utter a hardy "You damned tootin´."

Profanity

Perhaps it was because I grew up in a household of cursers that I so despise the use of profanity. Or, maybe it is because it is so indicative of someone's inability to articulate themselves intelligently. I've also thought that it could be because it is so closely related to the Rage Issue in America that Americans are some of the most profane uttering people.

I can recall never being able to go out in America without having the air turned blue by the limited vocabulary of profane people. And, I am not talking about a minority here, either. Does not your own experience show that Americans just cannot seem to express themselves, all most always in anger, using the vilest profanities? It is everywhere, is it not?

I totally get using profanity in high stress situations in which to utter a few vulgarities can relieve stress a bit. I must admit, I have fallen into this a time or two. What I am talking about is lacing one's conversation with words best left in the locker room or a construction site. If you will notice, Americans no longer seem to be able to talk without using words that frankly are tiresomely vulgar.

We live in a small colonial Mexican town called, Guanajuato. It is the capital of the state of Guanajuato. Not too far from us is an other colonial town called San Miguel de Allende infected with almost 12,000 American expatriates. To put it in the words of an expat friend who fled that town to live where we do, "They come to San Miguel with all their little pathologies," and indeed they do.

We went over there to eat in a Chinese restaurant. After giving our order a group of Americans came in. They gave their order in English (this is because the vast majority cannot string together two words of Spanish to save their lives), and then proceeded to have a little chat that went something like this:

First Vile American:"I told that son-of-a-bitch that I didn't give a shit what he thought."

Second Vile American:"Well, what the fuck did you tell him then?"

First Vile American: "I told him that I didn't give a shit what he did next."

Second Vile American: "Did he shit all over himself when you said that?"

First Vile American: "Hell, I don't know and who gives a shit what he did next."

Second Vile American: "Shit, is that all you said to the fucker?"

First Vile American: "No, I told him shit on you, you shit-head."

This gem of a conversation was uttered in the loudest possible of voices so that they could have been heard, I am assuming, outside the restaurant. I asked the waiter, in Spanish, if this was a rare occurrence. He had quite a good time laughing his head off. I am sure the vulgar Americans didn't care one whit that they were loud and vulgar because, to put it in the only thing profane Americans seem to understand these days,

"They didn't give a shit what a bunch of Mexicans thought of their shitty behavior."

Mexicans can curse. Do not get me wrong, here. But, it is so utterly comical and so appropriate that you hardly notice it. And, just let me say this: I walked the last 7 months past road construction full of Mexicans and not once did I witness vile language much less profane behavior. When they do use profanity it is nothing like Americans and certainly does not create the same sort of hostility that you feel when Americans cut loose. Mexicans curse with purpose (though you rarely hear it) unlike Americans who will scream obscenities for lack of a better vocabulary and temper control.

That is the main issue. You just don't see, ever, Mexicans pitching fits of rage in public and cursing like drunken sailors. The Mexican public realm seems off limits to that sort of vulgarity for which I am thankful. There is not a whole lot of public expression of such uncontrolled hostility here as in the States. In fact, I have yet to witness it. Just think of a moment of the appeal of being to go out in public and not having to witness public hostility.

In a recent YouGov poll, Britons surveyed revealed that,

"...A majority of the Britons described Americans as uncaring, divided by class, awash in violent crime, vulgar, preoccupied with money, ignorant of the outside world, racially divided, uncultured and in the most overwhelming result (90 percent of respondents) dominated by big business."

But I fear, just as another part of the survey reveal, that Americans do not give a rat's rear-end of how their vulgarity affects the rest of the world:

"A massive 83 percent of those questioned said that the United States doesn't care what the rest of the world thinks."

Intrusiveness

Is it just me or does life in America seem full of Americans who don't just think of themselves as their "Brother's Keeper" but keeper of their Brother's Personal Business and Life Manager as well? Another very appealing thing in México that drew us like Ducks on a June Bug was the fact that this country is full of not only citizens who keep out of your personal life but a government as well. I have had the absolute relief from having to be on the Mind Your Own Business guard every moment of my life.

México is really the land of, "Don't become a serial axe murderer or a drug cartel leader and we won't bother you" country. They will leave you alone here if you have no immediate plans, upon your expatriation, to commit heinous crimes that might possible include the assassination of important political leaders or begin a new drug cartel family. They really don't care much about what you do. Your neighbors are massively friendly but are unintrusive.

My wife and I have been married for 24 years and chose not to have children. You simply would not believe how many Americans find this so incongruous that we've been asked, often at parties in front of masses, to explain our sexual reproductive plans. Americans do not seem to be able to discern what is or is not their business. I had a friend who was a professional and while at a party the boss's wife asked if he was gay because of his single marital status. She said this in front of the entire party.

Now, lest I hear my critics rise up in one voice, "There he goes with the anti-American sentiment again." Let me just ask, is it socially appropriate to pry into someone's private sexual reproductive plans or sexual practices? Is it? Mexicans seem to get this and don't ask.

Isn't México a great country?

A Slower Pace of Life - Sort Of

México is a land of vast contrasts, sometimes-confusing contradictions, and a culture that constantly will leave the American expat guessing-for a lifetime. You've no doubt heard that México has a slower pace of life. Well, that is true-sort of.

Depending on which region of México you finally are drawn as a place to settle, will you find the traditional concept and worldview of time. To a Mexican, a traditional Mexican, time is a relative concept and not so much set in stone as with Americans and most of anal-retentive Europeans. I say most, because the Italians and Spanish definitely share the Mexican idea about time. This is starting to change in some areas.

Mexican friends from other regions of México tell us, that in areas like, Monterrey, they are beginning to adopt a more American concept of time. Also, in México City, so I am told, this is also happening. I have mixed feelings about this.

In the area in which we live, México's heartland, it is still very much in the traditional and provincial mode regarding time. What this means is that they are not so anal about making it to appointments on time. In fact, Mexicans here will never make it on time for anything I am convinced. Consequently, there seems to be a more relaxed and carefree attitude about getting somewhere. The stress relief possibilities are tremendous. You just do not see Mexicans pitching hissy fits because they didn't make it on time before something closes. Life goes on whether they got to buy that yarn or can of tuna. There is always tomorrow.

Interestingly, this is beginning to irritate Mexicans who now have grown accustomed to regarding time, as does the rest of the Western World. You are now seeing more stress in these individuals. Americanization is causing stress? Don't tell me how anti-American that is.

Go to México City or Guadalajara and you will see more hectic- ness. Come to the heartland and you will find a more traditionally laid back lifestyle. I prefer life in the heartland.

People seem happy here

The pursuit of material things, according to the scientists at World Values Survey is a "happiness suppressant." If that is true, then you've just got to wonder how this affects Americans who have devolved into a material seeking society.

· At any given time, one forth of Americans are mildly depressed

· Americans' personal income has increased more than two and a half times over the last fifty years, but their happiness level has remained the same.

· Americans earning more that $10 million annually are only slightly happier than average Americans.

What is so very interesting is that in a country that is touted as the richest in the world so few Americans are happy and, in fact, depressed. In a country that has so little by comparison, even though right next door to America-México-is happy to be content with what they have. You see this immediately when even just visiting this country. People here are happy.

In a University of Michigan survey called, World Values Surveys, worked to gather information on the happiest countries in the world spanning some twenty years. What they found was startling.

"World Values Surveys measures the happiness of individuals by two different means. The first is to simply ask them how "happy" they are. The second is to ask them how "happy" they are, and also how "satisfied" they are. The results are then combined to arrive at a measure of their "subjective well-being," a term generally considered synonymous with happiness."

The results looked something like this:

1. Nigeria
2. México
3. Venezuela
4. El Salvador
5. Puerto Rico

Do not miss the profundity here. In countries that have so little materially and whose future does not seem very bright in being able to obtain material leaps and bounds, are the happiest in the world. México rates #2 and I am not surprised at all.

If smiles on faces, full body greetings complete with kisses, and jovial laughter being heard everywhere instead of the uttering of vile obscenities is any indication of happiness then we didn't need scientific surveys to tell us that México is a happy country. In a society where the people have so little in terms of material wealth, Mexicans are billionaires in happiness. They are apparently a people who know what counts. They understand that "things" is not what makes you happy.

Being with Mexicans is like being with the insufferably happy aunt that though you find tiring, you leave her presence in a much happier frame of mind. Her smiling and laughter become contagious and before you know it your anal-retentive sour puss is transformed if but for a little while. And, when she's absent or passes away, you feel a true loss for the effect she had on you. That, my dear American, is how I feel being in México.

There is an energy here that I do not believe I can live any longer with out. For, to go back to the States, ever, would be too awful to contemplate. I could not do it. It would destroy my soul. I need the worldview here that just hangs on every street corner, from every balcony, from every store clerk-I could not live again without the effect Mexican happiness has on me.

The appeals are numerous and sometimes deceptive. But, Americans keep flooding into this land wondering and mostly wanting badly for México to be a Promise Land flowing not with milk and honey for the body but for the soul.

This can be a real possibility for the gringo expat. México is here as she's always been.

México's waiting.