Find a Roommate You Can Live With

Finding and keeping a good roommate is tricky business. It requires honesty and openness, from before you ever arrive on campus until the moment you part ways. Practice these tricks, and you'll at least survive the dorm years...if not find your best friend.

First, be realistic on the housing form your college sends you. If you normally go to bed at 10 p.m., put that down, even if you think your habits might change or your embarrassed about something. You'll stand a much better chance of being paired with someone you can get along with if you're honest from the get-go.

Set ground rules. If possible, talk to the person ahead of time. Discuss what you will each bring to the room (refrigerator, curtains, mirror, television, etc.). Discuss, also, what you each prefer in the way of temperature, light, cleanliness, noise, music style, visits from friends, sleeping time, and study time. Negotiate to accommodate the needs you each have and as many preferences as you can. Then write down the rules you both agree on. When will the quiet hours be? Are people of the opposite sex allowed in the room, and when? When do the lights go out? What will the thermostat stay on? Will you each wear headphones to listen to music, or can some music be played out loud? Who will vacuum and how often? Will you make your beds each day?

Once you're living together, continue to talk openly about anything that's bothering you (at least anything bothering you that's related to your relationship). Don't keep your frustrations inside. Find a good time to talk, though, and maintain a positive attitude throughout, affirming your roommateship and expressing a desire to both be as comfortable as possible.

Above all, don't talk to other people, especially other people on the hall, about your frustrations - unless it's to talk to an RA or other person who's in an official position to advise you. The more people involved, the more drama exists.

One adaptation, though, that stretches a lot of college students, is that when you live with someone else in such tight quarters, you have to make some changes. Be willing to overlook some behaviors you may find annoying. Ask yourself if a problem is something you can live with, or if it absolutely must be changed for you to be healthy and successful.

Also, be willing to be part of the solution. If the problem is that your roommate has the light on while you're trying to sleep but you always go to bed at 10 p.m. so you can get up early and study, talk to your roommate and see if he or she can cut on a lamp and cut off the overhead light. But also be willing to go to do your studying at night and sleep a little later. That way, you still get your eight hours and are able to study, and you don't have a major light war on your hands.

Generally, just be open-minded and flexible. You live with this person; see what you can learn from him or her. Be willing to do things differently than you always have. You may be surprised how well you like your new sleeping habits.

Be considerate of your roommate. You want to be comfortable in your new home, but so does your roomie. Think about what would make this person happy, and try to be the roommate he or she would want.

Share and share alike. Don't just be agreeable; go out of your way to be a friend. If your mom sends you back from Christmas break with a tin full of cookies, share with your roommate. If he or she needs an extra blue book or some socks, don't be afraid to lend them. Not only will he or she be more likely to return the favor, your roommate will also be more likely to be pleasant and easy to get along with in general. Maybe you'll never be without a blue book and need to call on that favor to be returned...but maybe you will want some privacy with your date in a couple of weeks. Your roommate may just be more willing to accommodate you if you've been helpful in the past.

And at the end of the year or semester, if things just aren't working out, that's okay. Plenty of people switch roommates several times in college. Talk about it, be clear and honest so your roommate can find someone else to live with, and then go off in search of your next roomie.