Finding Balance: Come Out, Come Out Where Ever You Are...

Why do we find it so hard to find balance in our busy lives? Is it even possible? Or are we setting ourselves up for failure right out of the gate?

It could be the feature article in a magazine at the supermarket checkout or you might hear about it on your favorite daytime talk show. You probably also hear it on the radio, a podcast or read it in the daily newspaper.

We are overworked, overstressed, underpaid and unappreciated. I shall for the remainder of this piece give a woman's perspective because I am, in fact, a woman.

If you were to ask the general population of women today what their main goal in life is, most would answer something along the lines of; 'get married and have a family.'

Huh?!

After everything we see, hear and read it's hard to believe that this is still what women most want.

Do we honestly think it will be different for us even after watching our best friend age, oh I don't know, about three years during the first six months of her newborn baby's life? (Uh, ya...that's what I want, isn't it?) Do we really think we'll be the exception and not find out in the first year of marriage that whoever wrote 'All you need is love' was playing a helluva nasty joke on us?

Are we blocking out the reality of what we witness when they go to our nephews fifth birthday party and watch our sweat soaked, half crazed sister run around trying to keep her one year old out of the wading pool while entertaining eight of the guest of honor's little sugar fueled friends, at the same time trying to stop her three year old from destroying the cake before the candles are even put into it, all the while her 'adoring' husband sits in front of the TV watching the game, unaware (or is it uncaring?) of his wife's looming breakdown. (But she better be ready later that night when the lights go out because then 'its show time'......whatever.)

Don't forget the part where the stressed out, teeth gritting hostess has to carry on a reasonably intelligent conversation with some of the parents who 'decided at the last minute to stay and help out'. (Yes, sitting there eating a hot dog with one of the kids name's on it, asking if there are any fried onions to go with it and sheepishly asking if there's any beer, is really helping out...ummm, no!!)

Is this really a part of the dream? Do we still believe in the fairy tale of living happily ever after with the love of our lives and our adoring well behaved children? (Ha! Ha! Ha! sorry, I got a little hysterical there) I don't think so...and if we do? Well...I think it's time to get real.

If there is a way to get through the first ten years of marriage which would include the rampaging hormones of multiple pregnancies, the first six to seven years of your children's lives (which at age seven is when I found it finally got a little easier) and trying like heck to get along with your extended family (in-laws and outlaws alike), if this can be done peacefully and without a complete (or partial) breakdown I'd love to know the secret.

Who could possibly find balance in a day that goes something like this: Wake up, take the dog out and stand there shivering until it does it's doo doo, bring him back in and feed him, get the kids up (complaining and fighting tooth and nail), dress them (no one ever wants to wear what you've pick out), feed them (no one ever wants to eat what you've made) at the same time packing their lunches then rushing them out the door hopefully making it to school before the bell goes. (God forbid you're late which would result in all the teachers and parents thinking what a bad unorganized mother you are, tsk tsk) Then you have two and a half hours to get back home, do the dishes, clean the kitchen of the uneaten breakfast mess, make the beds, do the laundry, play with your three year old who doesn't go to school until next year (more like saying, 'in a minute...in a minute...in a minute'), back to the school to pick up your middle child because kindergarten only goes half days, come back home make lunch (that no one eats), fold the three loads of laundry you washed earlier, put everyone's clothes away, clean the kitchen of the lunch mess, take pork chops (or some other dead animal) out of the freezer for supper, clean a bathroom or two (young boys don't have the best aim), read your daughter a book (you don't want the guilt of having done nothing with the kids all day), take the dog out again before going to Wal-Mart to pick up Kleenex and toilet paper, make it back through rush hour traffic in time to pick up the oldest from school, get everyone home (Mommy can you play with us?...In a minute...), cut up vegetables and salad that no one's going to eat (you have to make healthy meals because who needs the guilt from knowing you're the cause if your kids get sick and fat), get the kids set up to do their homework, cook dinner while trying to stop the youngest from taking his brother's pencil and coloring on his sister's Senior Kindergarten (???) homework assignments, set the table, put the food out as Dad comes in the door only to sit down and say 'Next time you should try cooking the pork chops like this.......' (aaaaggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!). Hoover your food down while trying to get your kids to eat something...anything!..., clear the table, unload the dishwasher so you can reload the dishwasher (thank God for dishwashers!), wash the pans and cookware by hand because there's no more room in the dishwasher, take the kids in the backyard to play for about 4 minutes, bring them back in (complaining all the while), go upstairs to run their bath, let them play in the tub for a bit while you get the Windex and clean the mirror of toothpaste streaks (since you're in there anyway), get them out of the tub, dried off and pajama'd, blow dry everyone's hair, let them have play time for a while so you can workout a bit (must keep in shape so your husband doesn't lose interest), have a shower ('cause there was no time this morning), set the kids up in front of the TV with a snack because it's bed time in twenty minutes, take an hour and a half to get them all sleeping, get their backpacks ready for the following day, finally sit down beside your husband who, of course, thinks you're all his now......get up the next morning (hopefully without one of the kids having Croup through the night or wetting the bed)........and do it all again!!!!!!!!!!!!! Day...after day...after day...after day...oh, and don't forget the days when there are Doctor, Dentist, Veterinarian or (God Forbid) hair appointments, these really upset the apple cart and what about Dance class or Soccer or Karate?! Need I say more?

Just think...that's the life of a stay-at-home mom...can you even imagine a woman who has to fit the responsibility of a job in there as well? I don't know about you but I think some of the fairy tales we're reading our daughter's have to be updated just a little...