Finding a Girlfriend in Two Weeks

1.Search and sign up for all the single sites on the INTERNET (Be sure and add an attractive picture in your profile). Look for the most popular ones.
2.Once you have set up your profile, browse all the members that meet your criteria. (Be sure and stick with the profiles that include photos).
3.Look for the loneliest people (This is often displayed in their profile). Many people express their need for companionship elaborately.
4.Look for desperate headliners, EX. "Looking for someone to love me..."
5.E-mail every one of theses lucky ladies! Letting them know you are interested in getting to know them.
6.Once you receive their e-mails, choose wisely who to pursue. Pick the top three or four and gradually narrow it down to one.
7.Ask them for an on-line chat. Talk for hours on end, making sure you are the center of their attention!
8.Call them: After the third day, tell them you want to hear their voice (It's so much more personal, and insinuates genuine interest). Talk for hours.
9.Meet them for the first time. Be sure and pick someone who lives an hour or two away, it shows you are determined.
10.Buy flowers. Before you actually see them for the first time be sure and "wow" them with a gift from the heart.
11.Display overly positive characteristics. Tell them stories of past relationships, and how you have been burnt or cheated on. Elaborate painful details, and in return, she will also follow suite. Every lesbian has been duped or cheated on at one time or another.
12.Then describe your earnest effort in finding someone genuine and trustful. Tell them you wish you could find someone that is not interested in your money, but someone who really wants to be with you.
13.Initiate sex. With all the nervous energy you two have built up, your "sexathon" could last for days. Only taking breaks for bathroom trips, eating, getting a drink, and a couple hours of sleep.
14.Be sure and remove your profiles and end all your subscriptions to all the singles sites, as not to incite jealousy in your new lover!( Since you met her on the computer, chances are she will eventually check up on you!).
15.Buy them a brand new car! Go to a local dealership that specializes in creative financing options. Buy something you know you can't afford, but gets the point across!
16.Then invite them to quit their present job and move in with you! Knowing quite honestly you have no idea how long it will take for them to find gainful employment.
17.Offer to pay all the bills! Even though you're already in debt, and by no means rich! While drowning in debt, be sure and tell her everyday how much you love her, and never want to be without her!
Finally, you have reached the end, and lucky you! Now she will never leave!