Finding and Making the Most of Solitude

Goodness knows it often isn't very easy to carve out the time for a little peace and quiet in our busy schedules and bustling modern life! And, often when we do find a little solitude, we're not exactly sure what to do with ourselves without all the pressing demands of family, friends, work and other obligations. Here are some suggestions for how to find that healthy solitude and how to make the most of it once you have it…

Finding a little quiet time can be the first challenge. For those with families - just getting the opportunity to use the bathroom alone can be a priceless luxury. Some people find that setting the alarm an hour or two before the family normally rises in the morning carves out a little quiet time to get centered and focused before the day begins. Others suggest staying up late - but, unless you are a real night-owl, it can be tough to stay up until the house is sleeping without konking out yourself. You may not be able to get some time to yourself everyday, but you can try to claim an hour or two or a half-day on the weekends, or one night a week. The first step is to look at your schedule and see where you can claim some time just for yourself. Then, you'll need to follow through and schedule in that time, just as you would a doctor's appointment or one of the kids' soccer practices. That time needs to become valued and sacred as "your time." No guilt, just do it!

If you can't be alone in your own home, you'll need to find a place for some quiet solitude. This doesn't include shopping, taking a class or other social activities. That's a whole different can of worms. Solitude is truly time for you to be alone with your own thoughts, a book, a journal or some drawing paper - no chores to do or conversations to hold up. Being solitary means being alone and secluded. As tempting as it may be to run errands unfettered or try to catch up on some work, the purpose of solitude is to help you feel grounded, centered and free creativity and peaceful thoughts - not to play catch up!

So, some suggestions might be: a quiet place in a park or a corner of a museum. If you live in the country or near the country, it may be easy to find a special, secluded place to be with yourself. If you can get some time at home alone, or in a room without interruption, this can be a wonderful way to experience the pleasures of solitude.

At first, you may not know what to do with yourself. My mother used to call this feeling "walking in tight circles" - the solitude may feel so unusual and uncomfortable that you are waiting for interruption at any moment. Turn off the phones and don't answer the door (this is another reason why some people prefer to leave their homes in search of solitude). There is nothing wrong with making a plan for what you will do with your quiet time - plan to draw pictures or even color in a coloring book, reading, needlework, writing in a journal, even taking a walk can be a marvelous solitary activity. If there is something you have always wanted to learn to do - knit, paint, collect rocks - it doesn't matter if it seems unbecoming a high-powered executive or a dedicated parent, it is important to do something completely for yourself.

In fact, you don't have to do anything at all. Sitting and staring out the window or at a bird feeder are perfectly lovely solitary activities. I have a friend who put a bird feeding station outside her bedroom window and used it as a meditating, relaxing activity - just sitting alone and watching the birds. She eventually took up sketching the birds and produces some beautiful home-made holiday each year from her solitary sketching sessions.

The important thing to remember is that you not only deserve a little quiet solitude, but it is also extraordinarily healthy and will make you a better parent, partner, worker, friend, etc. Instead of taking away from your loved-ones and your busy life responsibilities, you will actually have more energy and focus to share and may actually tap into a newfound creativity or spirituality that will definitely enhance your life.