Finding Meaning in Happiness

It seems as if the serious or sad things in life carry more meaning than the happy ones. Whether it's something that happens to us, our state of mind, a song, or even a movie we watch, the ones that seem to really tug at the heart strings are the sad and serious ones. For example, when has an Adam Sandler movie really affected you? Or a techno dance song? It might bring you joy and happiness while you are watching to movie or listening to the song, but then the experience is over. On the other hand, a movie like Titanic leaves you with something deeper and long-lasting.

When something good happens to you (say you get a promotion), you may be happy for a few days or weeks and everyone congratulates you. But then you move on with your career and your life as usual, still happy you have the promotion, but you don't focus on it very much. But if something bad were to happen to you, there is much more reflection and thought about it. It's harder to cope with obviously, so as you struggle to cope with something difficult, you learn about yourself and perhaps you find something meaningful about the experience. It's more enriching, I guess I would say.

I wonder if most people would agree with me on this. Or perhaps they would disagree and spend more energy really enjoying the good things and less time reflecting on the bad. Maybe I am just a negative person? But I honestly don't think so. I think there is much more to it than optimism/pessimism. When I focus so intently on the bad things in my life, I am searching for meaning. I am almost enjoying the fact that I've been given a challenge and I have to get through it. It's the "drama queen" in me, I guess. Something is always wrong. If nothing were wrong, where would the meaning be? Wouldn't my life then be just plain old ordinary?

Everyone has their own definition of happiness. It's something we all strive for, myself included. My definition of happiness would be being at peace with myself in the world. But lately, I've been wondering if that's really what I want? I sabotage myself sometimes, and maybe it's because I am afraid to allow myself to be truly happy. I seem to crave drama. I need something to obsess about. If everything is going really well, then I obsess about what I am going to wear to work. It's never ending. I've come to realize that I view happiness as boring and therefore unsatisfying.

We all probably take "happy" for granted from time to time. Some more than others, and I am as guilty as anyone. Sometimes it takes a really horrible experience to not take happy for granted, and to realize how much you love the good in your life. I'm currently trying to find a way to view the happy things in my life as just as meaningful and deep as the not-so-happy ones. When everything seems to be going well, and there is really no reason to go into that dark but intriguing and highly-emotional place, what can I hold onto that will keep things exciting?

I once heard a great quote "I think most people are about as happy as they allow themselves to be." A very true statement, in my opinion. Yes, it can be hard to allow yourself to be happy in the face of hardship. But the only person who is holding me back from happiness at the moment is me.