Finding Your Parents

In a perfect world, everyone would grow up with two parents who love and accept their kids unconditionally. They would teach their kids self respect, how to treat others and be the soft place to land, someone to talk to when needed and a shoulder to cry on.

It doesn't work this way for a lot of people with the high divorce rate, parents walking out on their families, adoption or through custody fights that the parent isn't allowed access to their kids and the parents having all the best intentions in the world sometimes loose contact with their kids.

When you feel its time to find your parent the best place to try is through a tracing service. For a small fee the company will find the person, provide you with their contact details and give you some tips on how to deal with this new relationship.

Your first contact will probably be by phone or in person. Take it easy, although this is your parent and you have so many unanswered questions, this is a new relationship and it needs time to evolve and develop into a relationship, so take the time to get to know this person for who they are at the moment and not the person that you haven't seen in years if ever.

The hardest part is the awkwardness, so talk about pets, art, television programs, music or any subject that you both have in common even the weather is something you can both talk about or moan about.

When things develop into a relationship and you still need questions answered, just remember that there's always three sides to the story, my side, your side and what actually happened.

Don't go into the whole ambush thing and go straight for the throat and whatever reason or explanation given for things isn't good enough and this person must be lying to you because the parent still in your life gave you a different version and why would they lie to you.
Leave the anger, hurt, feelings of abandonment, resentment and bitterness at the door, give this person a chance to give you their reasons for what happened and after you clear the air, leave it alone and stop nit picking, for answers that will make everything OK, because it won't happen.

Don't have unrealistic expectations, this person isn't going to come in to your life on a white horse, pick you up in their arms and kiss away the tears and give you what you need in your life to make it better, the only person that can give you what you need emotionally is you. You have to accept this person for who they are and this means their flaws that everyone has and its OK.

If for some reason, it doesn't work out and you have done everything you can and can look in the mirror and know that you have tried everything for the relationship to work, your decision to end it, isn't made when your emotions are raw or out of anger and you know that you'll have no regrets if you walk away, then respect yourself enough to walk. At least you know that you tried, you found out who the person is and maybe you got some of your questions answered.

I found my biological father a few years and handled it really badly. At that time in my life I needed this person to come on their big white horse, pick me up in their arms and take away the pain.

I didn't leave the anger, bitterness, resentment that I had been bottling up at the door and because I didn't get the answerers I was looking for or needed and feeling suffocated and smothered I went for the throat. I decided to walk when emotions where still raw and I still have regrets, not enough for me to try to give the relationship another but if I had to do it again, I would do things differently, but then again s**t happens and build a bridge and get over it.

I hope if you try to find your natural parent(s), you'll learn from my mistakes and it will work out for you, and if it doesn't then you know that you can pick up the pieces and move on, after all, you still have the important things in your life, your friends, the things you enjoy in life such as passions, hobbies, relationships and the things that make you smile.