Finding the Perfect Partner

How do you build a perfect relationship? You do not. Perfect relationships do not exist. Very good relationships exist. Loving, joyful, incredible relationships exist but if you believe that you can build a perfect relationship all you will end up with is a very annoyed partner and most likely quite a bit of unhappiness.

So how do you build a loving, fun, joyful and successful relationship? You work hard, very hard and you work almost everyday. In the beginning of a new relationship that other person can appear almost perfect. Their quirks and little insanities are some of the things you love the most. The things that make you fall in love. Five years down the road the quirk is going to drive you crazy.

Another trick we all use at the beginning of a relationship is to delude ourselves into thinking that we will be able to change our partner mold him or her into the perfect partner, the person of our dreams, the half to make us whole. This is delusional and the faster you accept this fact the faster you will be able to find a very good partner one who you can love and live with for a very long time.

Many of us, both men and women, have a savior complex. We believe that we can save or fix a person. In fact some of us (myself included) love the thought of healing someone, making them whole, saving them and thereby saving ourselves thinking that with the right amount of love and kindness anyone can be healed. This is not true. It is not your job to be your partner's therapist it is your job to be your partners partner. So if your partner needs therapy go out and find a QUALIFIED therapist for your partner and then go out and find one for yourself. Figure out why you need to be in a relationship with someone who needs to be saved because if you need to save someone and your partner needs to be saved your partner is not alone in needing therapeutic help!!

One of the best ways to prepare for a healthy and happy relationship is to be healthy and happy yourself. No one can save you but yourself. It is much easier to think that someone can save you then having to save yourself. Saving yourself is hard work. You have to sit in your discomfort. You are the one who has to confront your past and your mistakes. It can be very hard unpleasant work but it is also the only way to be in a position where another healthy human being is going to chose to be with you to move forward in a direction of a healthy and happy and maybe a little close to perfect relationship.

Once you are moving towards saving yourself go out and get to know yourself. What do you want out of a relationship. Not what your parents want, not what your siblings want, not what you had or did not have in your last relationship but what YOU WANT. There are some common themes, good sex, good conversation, companionship, etc but you need to know what these things really mean to you and whatever they mean to you is OK. For some good sex can be twice a month knock your socks off sex. For others it may be quiet, soft, gentle sex three times a week. Maybe you want both. Remember you can have whatever you want so long as if does not harm you or anyone else. Do you want someone who shares your passions and wants to constantly be with you or do you want someone who is fairly independent. Once again the best way to build a very good relationship is to be honest. Honest with yourself and honest with your partner but you can only do this if you really know what you want.

So go out there and find yourself and once you do you will be amazed at the number of people who find you.

Peace