Finding the Right Mix

My current coffee obsession at my local Wawa is mixing English Toffee latte with some type of chocolate or caramel regular coffee mix. The proper mix has some commonality and some changes. It is always a half to two-third cup of English Toffee and the rest up to taste. Today I had the English Toffee with one quarter caramel coffee and a touch of regular milk. Delicious. Another mix was the toffee with chocolate macadam and it tasted like hot butterscotch.

My 11-year-old daughter liked it, too. Just a taste, natch. Too much caffeine for a youngster.

You see, I took my daughter to school late today, Friday, because I had to take her to an early morning dentist appointment. I made us fried eggs and grits to start the day and we watched a couple of minutes of "Big Mamma II" with Martin Lawrence. I have HBO and I put on the Spanish version of the movie for fun and she got a kick out of it. That is the unexpected that she loves about me. Another time I melted part of a straw in a candle at a restaurant. I am not saying to do something stupid, or burn the restaurant down, just take chances sometimes, especially if you have always made your child laugh. As we were waiting for the dentist to call her, we read the Nick magazine together. It was boring to me, but my daughter enjoyed it and I enjoyed it with her, especially if it lightened up the mood. That is being attentive to what your child likes, instead of blowing them off, or forcing them to do something you like.

And Dads, you have to the the softy in the family, but it is a fine line. You can't be such a good friends that you can not discipline your child. For me, she knows I can get angry, and I am not an angry guy by nature.

On the way back, driving her to school, I stopped at Wawa and let her pick out her lunch, as long as it was under $10. Hear the music. Hey, it is the ice cream truck and Mr. Softy, me, is back in town.

As I dropped her off to school, we saw the younger kids at school enjoying pony rides and a petting zoo. She said she would tell her friends about it, but really, that was still me and her time. That was just dumb luck. But you know what? Dumb luck, I believe, is a by product of hard work and quality time spent with your child. I have always had some type of magic about me: not pulling quarters out of kid's ears, but finding parking spaces in Ocean City, NJ, during the summer on crowded beach and Boardwalk days. It also help that I lived in that southern New Jersey beach resort for the first 35 years of my life and know the ins and outs of the town. When she was young, after a day on the beach, I washed the sand off her feet at a complete stranger's house with their outdoor water hose. Local knowledge made it seem magical: if any one asked what I was doing, I would tell them I was a cousin's friend down for the weekend. Whatever, no one was around, too.

A couple of other things. Especially when driving other people's children, which I have done. Don't, I mean don't, have an alcoholic drink. If you are with your family, one and driving is OK, especially if it is a meal out that takes an hour. I figure this: worse case, you get in a car accident with someone else's kid and you had just one drink, how could you explain that away? The guilt would be dreadful and you never forgive yourself.

Be smart, have fun and to be a parent means that it does not come with a rule book. Guide your children with a firm, yet kind hand. Show them your love, support and grace.

One other thing: as she enters her teen years, our closeness could go out the window. She could hate me and think I am stupid. I doubt the first part of the last statement, but know the second to be absolutely true.

And in the long run: bring your children up with a belief in a higher power, one not of this world. I am a practicing Christian, but it could work in any religion. Because sometime I give her words of support and I don't know where it comes from. You are going to make mistakes, but be honest with your children.

Because, really as important as the good coffee mix is, the gene pool is a wonderful and strange and much more important mix. Do your best to see yourself, your parents and for me, my God, in my child. For us as parents of an only child, she is all we have. One chance to get it right. Think how you will be remembered as a parent.

What's your favorite mix, be it parenting, or coffee?