Finding the Right Solution for Relationship Woes

Once upon a time couples counseling was reserved for the seriously distressed couple. It was something that couples would slip away to do without telling friends or family. Thankfully times have changed and the role of couples therapy and the many forms that it can take has become a comfortable part of our culture. While we have not fully shed our cultural ambivalence about therapy in general, there is an increasing acceptance that therapy, counseling, coaching, or whatever you choose to call it is a valuable resource that many of us can benefit from.

It is this shift in our collective consciousness that has made many people more comfortable talking about how these services have helped them. From Robert Downy Jr. on The Tonight Show to Google's CEO, Eric Schmidt, more high profile people are sharing the value of having professional advisors in their lives. And so we are now faced with the challenge of navigating through the myriad of "helpers" to find the one that's right for us. For couples, this can be a daunting task.

Whether you are facing a specific issues in your relationship, simply want to work on general communication skills, or something in between; finding the right helping professional for your relationship can be a challenge. Below are the most common forms of couples help and some tips on how to figure out which one may be right for you.

Couples Therapy
The most universal option, couples therapy or couples counseling can take a variety of forms and theoretical perspectives. Because of this couples therapy is a suitable option for a couple seeking premarital guidance just as much as it can be effective for a couple of the verge of divorce. The most crucial key here is to find a therapist who is trained and experienced in working with couples and relationships and comfortable working with your issue. A good couples therapist has the skills to help you enhance your relationship as well as to identify major areas of concern. I like to compare couples therapists, particularly marriage and family therapists to a good all around mechanic. You can take your car (relationship) in for an oil change every so often and should anything major breakdown they can help with that too. Of course if you are past the maintenance stage and in need of serious intervention, this is also the person to call. Complex issues such as addiction, infidelity, or extremely volatile conflict should be taken to a couples therapist, preferably one experienced in dealing with such concerns.

Relationship Coaching
Coaching is sort of the new kid on the block in terms of relationship support professionals. The field has grown out of executive coaching which is designed to help professionals develop plans, implement change, stay motivated, and when necessary whether crises effectively. Relationship coaching works with couples in much the same way- helping to identify strengths and weaknesses, create and implement plans to move forward toward their goals. Whether you are dating or married a relationship coach can help you work on very specific skills in a personalized way. As they learn about you and your partner, a coach can help you work together to make the changes or improve the skills that matter most to you. Although often similar to couples counseling, relationship coaching does not require the licensing or educational credentials of counseling and thus is not well-suited to work with understanding issues such as how your family of origin impacts your relationship or the effects of mental illness on both partners. Listen to Eric Schmidt talk about the value of coaching- although he is talking about executive coaching the principles are the same for your relationship.

Marriage/Relationship Education
For couples unsure about enlisting the help of a professional, marriage (or relationship) education can be an excellent place to start. Based on psycho-education (i.e. education about psychological or emotional issues), these programs teach couples many of the skills that help relationships do better. Communication, effective conflict resolution, and even some aspects of intimacy can be taught in these classroom style programs. The range of marriage education courses can be overwhelming and it is useful to do a little research to find a program and an instructor that meets your personal style. Some of these programs are very experiential asking you to role play and be actively involved in the process and others follow a more traditional teaching format with presentations, handouts, and even homework to practice skills. Whatever its specific format, relationship education is based on the premise that couples can learn to love to more effectively or at least develop some of the crucial skills necessary to make their relationship more fulfilling.

Couples Retreats, Groups, and Workshops
Retreats, groups, and other configurations are often just a variation of one of the three categories above. When exploring these options the same tips can be applied once you find out what kind of perspective the facilitator is working from (e.g. counseling, coaching, psycho-education). The main difference to keep in mind is that these are group based settings. Groups can offer a powerful experience for its participants as you learn from the person leading group as well as the other group members. Many times people find that the group offers a wider range of perspectives and useful insights that might not be found in a one-on-one situation. However group also means that you have to become comfortable sharing personal details of your relationship and your feelings with many people. In all these settings confidentiality should be a required component of participation but if privacy or sharing in front of others is an issue for you, it may be better to choose an individual approach.

Once you have figured out what kind of guidance you could use, check out this article on how to pick the right professional.