Finding Your Soul Mate

Ask anyone between the ages of 13 and 90 what qualities their soul mate would have, and you will probably get a nice sounding list of qualities. If you then ask them if they found the person of their dreams and instruct them to answer honestly, the answer will probably be no. Why? The answer isn't because finding your soul mate is a matter of luck.

If you then probe them to describe what happened in past, close relationships that either failed or succeeded, their answer will probably fit into a very short list of basic reasons.

1. Failed: The person wasn't who I thought they were.

2. Succeeded: I needed them and had to make compromises. Therefore, I accepted less than I wanted.

3. Failed: They changed after a time.

4. Succeeded: They changed; but by then, I needed them.

Notice the similarity between the failures and successes. The only difference between the failures and successes was whether the relationship was terminated or not. In both cases, the relationship was less than one or both in the relationship wanted.

Most of us let life situations control us rather than our controlling the way we live our life. With the former, we begin early in life looking at each life situation that occurs and select one or more based on our current level of interest. We may see a man or woman from a distance and imagine that person is the one in our dreams. Perhaps one reason they first gained our interest was because there were several of our peers desiring their interest. Therefore, we attempt to gain their attention and begin building a relationship. If they find us interesting, also, the relationship begins through mutual consent. Eventually, we may even determine that we must step outside our comfort zone and commit physically before we wanted just because of our fear of losing them to one or more of our peers. Just as bad, we may desire to commit physically to hold them in the relationship.

Controlling the way we live our life while forming relationships, requires specific aspects in a specific order.

1. We must seek a worthwhile purpose that serves a purpose for a relationship greater than our self.

2. We must have unbending principles and an unwavering commitment to the purpose of the greater relationship.

3. We must understand our abilities toward serving the purpose of the greater relationship and increase our abilities to serve accordingly.

4. We must have an awareness of where we are and visualize where we can be in serving the purpose of the greater relationship.

5. We must have a strong belief in our ability to serve and desire our part in the highest purpose for the greater relationship.

6. We must have absolute certainty in the high purpose of the greater relationship and our ability to contribute to it.

7. We must love the high purpose of the greater relationship.

The required aspects listed above may seem to be pie-in-the-sky aspirations; and if we observe what actually happens with most relationships around us, that assessment would seem to be true. If you look into the life of a person highly skilled in sculpture or a person highly skilled in creating musical masterpieces, though, you will find that they followed the above steps in that area of their life. For them, the greater relationship was the art they were creating; and the purpose their art would serve was the satisfaction received by the observer or listener. In both cases, they visualized a form of perfection and then set out to create it.

Interpersonal relationships that meet high standards are somewhat more difficult, though, but still possible if the required steps are followed diligently. Most of us need to earn a living by using our abilities to provide a service to the society in which we are a part. This would most likely be the first area of our life where we need to follow the seven steps. As we do this, though, we need to also form interpersonal relationships where the other person is following the seven steps toward the purpose of the same greater relationship. Therefore, if your relationship becomes a union or marriage, then your union will be serving the higher purpose outside of itself with both of you loving that higher purpose. Both of you will see each others value in serving that purpose, and your love of each other will be for the magnified value your union has in serving that purpose. The love each of you has is not for each other, but for your union's purpose in the higher purpose. This is primarily a foreign concept today.

We should now recognize why many interpersonal relationships fail, or one or both in the relationship accept less than they desired. It is because we tend to see others as to how they can serve our desires or imagined needs, not a higher purpose.

A man and woman meet. The man decides to put up a front that he feels will appeal to the woman's self-interest. The woman may or may not do the same. In both cases, they have a self-serving view of the relationship-essentially blinding them to the truth. For a time, each becomes the person of their dreams for the other, and they may begin believing they found their soul mate-assuming that is what each wanted. Naturally, one or both may not have been looking for anything more than a temporary relationship.

Anyone who desires to follow the seven steps needs to form interpersonal relationships very slowly because most individuals in our society practice the self-interest appeal method today. If their praises "tickle your ears," then those praises are an appeal to your self-interest. We have lots of examples to observe and see the result accordingly.

If you have doubts about the seven steps working, find any creative work you consider close to perfection; and a deep probe into how it happened will confirm that the seven steps were followed.

To Know Truth, It is Necessary to By-Pass Our Self-Interest Filter.

The concepts discussed in this article are more fully explained in the Bible Message Explained e-book located at www.bibleseek.com.