Finding the Woman (or Man) Who Got Away

Pining after a long lost love might be the inspiration for many romantic novels, but actually living through the process is painful. And as the population ages, more and more of us may be wondering about the man or woman who got away. How do you go about finding someone you lost touch with many years ago - someone who may not live in the same city or state as you any more, or worse, may not be alive at all?? What if that special someone simply can't be found by the now-standard search on Google.com??

If your unrequited love began in school or the military, you have a head start. Web sites such as Classmates.com offer a great way to find someone. While there is now a small fee for using all of their services, it is relatively inexpensive, particularly given the potential reward of true love (or at least the true realization that the person you thought you left behind is very different). While similar web sites exist, such as Reunionsworld.com or Classreport.com, Classmates.com is far and above the leader in this area. If the object of your interest has an inclination to reconnect with other classmates online at all, chances are he or she is on this site.

If they aren't on Classmates.com or other, related web sites, you can always try contacting the school itself. Most colleges have alumni offices, and while the object of your affection may not wish to divulge details online, he or she might still be in touch with your common alma mater.

If the man or woman who got away is not a former classmate, however, the search becomes a bit more difficult. If they were a coworker, then you may have to contact someone who also worked with you. But unless that person is a friend of you both, they may be reluctant to give out much information. On an official basis, most companies would frown on giving out personal information about former or current employees, even if the request seemed genuinely benign and you did not seem intent on stalking the object of your interest. Finding a person who can provide information that will help you find the man or woman who got away, on an informal basis, is probably your best bet.

Of course, sometimes, the man or woman who got away doesn't yet have a name associated with them. As the James Blunt song implies, you saw them on a crowded train one evening, or in a cafe, or in the grocery store's dairy aisle. This is probably the toughest kind of search to conduct, since you don't have any of the details a former coworker or classmates might have, such as their birthday, current or former address, or even a name. Craigslist.org comes to the rescue here. Now with versions for most major metropolitan areas across the US and Canada, www.craigslist.org provides a special section of their Personals, called "Missed Connections," which serves to help people find each other under these circumstances. The major problem with this, of course, is that you are also having to count on the other person searching craigslist.org for that very reason - a long shot. Post the ad anyway, but also consider revisiting the place of the chance encounter, particularly around the same day of the week and time of day. People are largely creatures of habit, after all, and if the object of your affection was buying cottage cheese at 3 a.m. Sunday morning, he or she might be doing that again soon.

When it seems hopeless, of course, you can always dream. Visit www.itunes.com and download The Moody Blues' ode to unrequited former love, "Your Wildest Dreams." For 99 cents, you can play it as often as you like, and hopefully, putting the message out in the ether will help in your search!