First Contact

We all dread it, put it off, make excuses and weasel out of it. But in the end, we all endure it. Sooner or later we have to bite the bullet and meet...the family.

My first experience with hubby's family came five days into the marriage. It was Thanksgiving, and everyone had assembled for the traditional fare of turkey and all the trimmings. But before we could eat, the men had travel into the woods and shoot at things not wearing bright orange vests.

I found myself camped out with the women, gathered in the kitchen, mixing, stirring, tasting; but mostly talking. They questioned me intensely at first, but soon I was hearing stories about my groom. I now know things; things that have come in handy over the years.

Suddenly his grandmother commented there were no cookies. There were cakes and pies and puddings and rich desserts galore, but no cookies. "The children have to have cookies". She insisted.

"Do you have peanut butter?" I asked. "Give me that, some sugar and an egg." "No flour?" she couldn't believe it. "You can't make cookies without flour."

"They're called ESP cookies. 1 Egg, 1 cup Peanut Butter and 1 cup Sugar." I ticked off the ingredients.

"How do they stick together?" Grandma asked.

"The peanut butter, I guess." They were looking at me like I'd just grown three heads. But, his aunt began to pull the ingredients out of the cupboards. Another grabbed a bowl and began to mix them up. We worked together, getting the oven pre-heated to the right temperature, spraying non-stick cooking spray on the pans and rolling the batter into small balls.

The first batch came out of the oven 10 minutes later. I let them cool for a minute, pulled one off and handed it to his grandmother. She tentatively took a bite and then her eyes lit up as she put the entire cookie into her mouth. From that moment on, I was accepted.

Now, everyone certainly isn't going to win over their new or potential in-laws with their baking skills. Let's face it; my daughter can't boil water without burning it. Her boyfriend loves to eat. I fear dark days when he finds the extent of her culinary skills involve frozen pizza and macaroni and cheese. But there are certain do's and don'ts.

DON'T: try and be someone you're not. It will backfire. You can't put on a pretense forever. Instead, be yourself. Make them love you for you.

DON'T: lie about your career. If you tell them you're a singer, they will ask you to sing. You can't very well ask them to stand outside the bathroom door and listen while you take a shower.

DO: Try and find something in common with their mother. Ask about her interests.

DO: Make an effort to get know their brothers, sisters and their spouses. They may become your closest allies and best friends.

DON'T: Talk about your sex life at the dinner table. It won't get you very far.

DO: Offer to help in the kitchen both before and after dinner.

DON'T: Offer to hold the newest grandchild if you can't stand kids. Babies sense these things, and soon everyone else in the room will know it too.

If you want the relationship to go on to the next level, and your significant other has a good relationship with their family, you will need one too. So relax, have fun and let your personality shine. After all, isn't that what drew your lover to you in the first place?