First Steps in the Recovery Process - Childhood Sexual Abuse
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I have often wondered why my father chose to sexually abuse me. I tried to reason it out and make some sense of a totally senseless situation.
Sexual abuse is never about sex. It is all about the need to have control and power. The bottom line on it all, however, is that each person is responsible for his own behavior.
Trying to understand why abuse happens is largely an exercise in futility for the victims of childhood sexual abuse. It will never make sense to you simply because it is such a senseless act. Rather than focusing upon the "why" of sexual abuse, we, as survivors must focus upon healing and recovery.
Just remember that recovery and healing is a process. It takes time and patience. Below I have outlined three of the initial steps to recovery from childhood sexual abuse.
Telling Yourself the Truth
One of the hardest things to do is to admit to yourself that one or both of your own parents (or other family members) have sexually violated you. Accepting this truth as a part of your life is soul-shattering. It is at this point when we realize that we were not valued by our family members, the very ones who should have loved and protected and cared for us. Because this truth is so difficult to accept and process, it is always best to work through sexual abuse issues with someone experienced in this field and with someone you can trust; this might be a therapist, a pastor, or another survivor lay person. The choice is always yours to make when it comes to your survival.
Telling Others About Your Abuse
Once you have the understanding that you have been sexually abused, you will need to confide this truth to someone in your world that is secure and trustworthy. Sometimes it is difficult to find such a person, simply because our trust has already been violated and trust does not come easily for us. Again, this person could be your pastor or a therapist; the choice is yours to make.
Believing Your Recovery is Possible
Generally, survivors of sexual abuse cannot comprehend that their lives really can be better. The betrayal, fear, poor self-image, guilt and shame are all the result of being sexually abused. The abuse itself is never the fault of the victim. Many abusers attempt to cast blame upon the victim in order to make themselves feel better, but the sexual abuse of a child, teen, or even an adult is never ever the fault of the victim. Many abusers are very good at "brain washing" their victims. Struggling with our belief system is not easy, but once you find the truth, hold onto it. You need to have a healthy support system in place early in your healing process so others can help you find the truth.
I am including links to two very good resources for further help to you in your healing process.
Published by Vicki Messer
In 1997 I began a personal journey of healing from years of childhood sexual abuse. For the better part of 10 years, I worked my way through the painful repressed memories of incest at the hands of several... View profile
- Chrisitian Minister Beth Moore Talks About Sexual AbuseThis is about a television show I saw this morning. Beth Moore was using an analogy from a book written by Gilda Radner. She compared it to those who have been victims of sexual abuse.
- The High Cost of Keeping the Family Secret - Sexual Abuse RecoveryHow denial impacts every member of the family
Healing Through Therapy: Sexual Abuse RecoveryHealing from childhood sexual abuse is an ominous task that is difficult to do alone. This is a first hand account by a survivor of incest and her road to recovery through ther...
Peace from PainThis article is part of a series of first person accounts from a survivor of childhood sexual abuse about the journey of healing from its devestating effects.- Reflections on Recovery from Sexual Child AbuseOne survivor's journey through discovery and recovery from sexual, emotional and physical child abuse and the lasting effects it has had on his life.
- How I Broke the Silence of Sexual Abuse
- Four Key Things I've Learned About Recovery from Incest and Sexual Abuse
- Overcoming the Physical Pain Associated with Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse
- New Beginnings for Sexual Abuse Survivors
- Trust Issues Abound in All Survivors of Sexual Abuse
- My Interview with Gregg Milligan Author of "A Beautiful World," and How He Overcam...
- Suspected Sexual Abuse of Young Children
4 Comments
Post a CommentYes, I understand how my comment could be misunderstood, but I was referring to the adults who abuse children . . . each person (abuser) is responsible for his own behavior. It is never ever the fault of a child. Thanks for reading and commenting! Blessings! Vicki Messer
I just re-read what I'd written, and it appears I need clarification too!... ie meaning that each adult (or person of greater power) is responsible for their behavior, is what i'm guessing you meant to say along those lines. Power either: emotional, physical, mental, over another.
Thanks again for all your articles. I'm sure they are helping others!
Great information. i've been trying get someone, a kid, whom i feel has been abused by his father, (iv'e seen signs that concern me) to feel comfortable enough to tell me, or another trusted adult, whatever the situation is, that he is dealing with/ keeping silent about that is affecting his life so greatly.
one point i'd like to make when you wrote: 'each person is responsible for his own behavior,' - perhaps should be clarified -since i'm sure you are not referring to a child survivor whatsoever in that statement- ie they weren't responsible for someone abusing them. i hear that they already feel guilty about something that was not their fault. i just don't want it being misinterpreted.
On the whole, It's a very helpful article/outlining of the steps. I'm not a survivor, but articles like this help me to have greater understanding . Thank you for all your candidness in your writings. I'm sure I will refer back.
well written - thank you