First Time Mommy Bloopers

I guess I missed the bulletin about little boys wanting to soil their parents when changing. I know this is true because it happened to me. I was a first time mommy, changing my son for the very first time, and I received the shock of my life. I knew, from parenting classes that I needed to scoop and cup my son's bottom when removing his diaper. I did not know that I need to wear protective gear and duck water and feces. Well, this was a true lesson learned.

I had done everything right- or so I thought. I had the new diaper, ready and opened, lying besides me; his wipe was in the warmer and the Desitin was open and ready for action. I removed the wipe from the warmer and gently cleaned my baby's bottom. I think I made him really comfortable as I wiped because the moment that I removed the wipe, he aimed for the bull's eye on my forehead. Yes! That's right....my son peed on my head!

Now, normal folks would have covered the soiling pistol and cleaned themselves, but not me. My nervous energy only intensified the situation as I remained under fire, literally. Soon, I knew exactly how bad the situation had become as something warm shot out from baby and landed smack in the middle of my night gown. Only this time, it wasn't yellow liquids. As if this situation weren't gross enough, I soon realized that my beautiful, baby, boy had covered his mommy in feces. I was mortified! I was enraged! I was embarrassed and I was really, really uncomfortable.

I screamed for, at least 5 minutes before I could even get a handle on the situation. Of course, daddy had swooped in and completed the diaper changing by this time and I was still completely soiled. I learned a very valuable lesson, however. I learned that I need to get in and get out, quickly, when I change my son. I learned that I needed to to keep his pee- pee covered and make sure that the diaper was secured on his little bottom, at all times. Most importantly, I learned to laugh at motherhood because it was going to be a wild, crazy and dirty ride! I also learned that in parenting, you have to expect the unexpected and roll with the times. Things will definitely be hard and mommies have a huge learning curve to overcome but, when worse comes to worse, let out a great big scream!