Five Compliments You Don't Necessarily Want

People often make the assumption that receiving compliments is always a good thing. They're unexpected gifts of self-esteem boosting awesomeness; how can that go wrong? Well, they can and do go wrong. Contrary to popular belief, not all compliments are created equal. There are just some compliments that I can do without, and I'm sure you'll agree. Here are five compliments you don't necessarily want.

The Backhanded Compliment- This one is a compliment that starts out nice but ends with a harsh and unnecessary criticism that really kills the compliment buzz. While some people do this as a sly way to insult a person (ahem, cowards), others actually don't realize their compliment can be taken badly. Here are some examples:

"You look great in that outfit! It hides the weight well."

"Your baby is adorable! He doesn't really look much like either of you, though."

"You're pretty smart, regardless of what everyone else says."

Mistaken Identity Compliments- A mistaken identity compliment is one in which a person assumes you did something you didn't or are something you're not. They compliment you on this assumed condition, and you're left to explain their mistake, which often results in embarrassment on the part of both parties. Examples include the following:

"Wow! That's the best poem you've ever written!" (You were actually sharing the work of another writer)

"You're really carrying that pregnancy well!" (You're not pregnant)

"What a bright little girl. You must be a proud grandpa." (You're her dad)

But That's a BAD Thing Compliments- It's usually nice to receive acknowledgment of your skill in a certain area, but when your shadier skills gain the attention, you begin to wonder if you really have a bad reputation because of the behavior. Consider the following examples:

"We all knew you could handle your alcohol, but you've really broken the record tonight, you drunk!"

"I just knew you could cover for me. You've always been so good at making up stories!"

"I can't believe he didn't notice. You're such a good sneak!"

The Pity Complement- This complement pops up when you're feeling down, or at least when others perceive you as feeling down. Maybe you've just expressed disappointment in not getting a promotion or perhaps you mentioned not feeling confident about something, and your friend throws out a compliment to pick you up. While the compliment may be honest, the timing begs the question of why he only bothered to compliment you now rather than any time before. It appears to be an act of pity. Pity compliments include:

"Your brother may have gotten into Harvard, but he's nowhere near as nice as you are."

"Well, I still think you're a great artist!"

"You're too awesome for a company like that anyway."

The Return Compliment- This happens when you give someone a compliment, and probably because they're caught off guard and don't know how to respond, they quickly turn around and compliment you back. It's irritating because you both realize it was just a response to the first compliment and sometimes those quick reciprocal compliments can turn awkward. Here are some examples:

"Your haircut looks great!" "Uh, thanks. Your shoes look great?"

"You're such an amazing person." "Umm... you, too!"

"You're so good at math!" "You're so good at... talking to people?"