Five Drunken Nights

As I came home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be,
Well I called me wife and said to her, will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be?

Ah you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you cannot see,
That's a lovely heifer that me mother sent to me,
Well many's the day I've traveled a hundred miles or more,
But a saddle on a heifer I have never seen before.

And as I came home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be,
Well I called me wife and said to her will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be?

Ah you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you cannot see,
That's a lovely blanket that me mother sent to me,
Well many's the day I've traveled a hundred miles or more,
But buttons on a blanket I have never seen before.

And as I came home on a Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a pipe upon the chair, where my old pipe should be,
Well I called me wife and said to her would you kindle tell to me,
Who owns that pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be?

Ah you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you cannot see,
That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me,
Well many's the day I've traveled a hundred miles or more,
But tobacco in a tin whistle I have never seen before.

And as I came home on a Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be,
Well I called me wife and said to her will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns those boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be?

Ah you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you cannot see,
That's two lovely geranium pots me mother sent to me,
Well many's the day I've traveled a hundred miles or more,
But laces on geranium pots I have never seen before,

And as I came home on a Friday night as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be,
Well I called me wife and said to her will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be?

Ah you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you cannot see,
That's a baby girl that me mother sent to me,
Well many's the day I've traveled a hundred miles or more,
But whiskers on a baby girl...

THAT - I have never seen before.