Five Easiest Ways to Win at Dog Wrestling

My biggest problem with my dog during this season is that she loves the snow. I do not. She likes to frolic in the cold white powder. I do not. She likes to rub her face in damp frozen landscape of the front yard. I do not. But I cannot tell when she just wants to frolic or when she really needs to go relieve herself.

It's 8 degrees outside. She gets me to take her outside, and I find out she just wanted root in the fluff with her snout. After a few long cold moments, I take her back inside. Then, by gosh, it's go time.

1. Start with the stance.

This is usually ineffective, but every now and then she'll note my serious manner and dart to her pillow. I give a short hop in the air and come down in full wrestler stance. I show her my teeth and give a little growl. She will either lower her head in apology, or, as is most often, wag her tail with rear in air. Let's go!

2. Get down on their level.

A dog has to see the fire your eyes to know the annoyance in your heart. Drop to all fours and give that growl again. What? She barks at you? Bark back.

3. Try to Grab the Butt.

Reach around and grab that wagging backside. This will not work on big dogs, but you can put a full palm on the hindquarters of a small breed. It's the same clasp move as if you were teaching them to sit. This will show your dominance while showing them their backend can be moved back and forth like a grandfather clock's ticker. Many (well, most) dogs are too fast for this maneuver. Do not squeeze.

4. Roll them over.

By this time, the crazy mutt actually thinks you're playing with it. With both hands, gently roll the beast over on its back. Scratch it's stomach to give it a false since of security. The poor naive pooch may actually lick your hand.

5. Give the 3 Count on the floor.

Quick! 1 - 2 - 3! Hear that bell? You just won! Now, tell your dog better luck next time.

Unfortunately, the exercise may have excited the pooch a bit. Your dog may approach the door with the same look she had prior to your previous trip outside. Is your dog being earnest? Or are you figuring out who's really the Master of the House?

Disclaimer: This article is in jest only. Please walk your dogs frequently and no serious wrestling. Keep it playful!