Five Easy Tips for Teaching Your Child Not to Swear

In the movie, A Christmas Story, young Ralphie is helping his father change the tire on the family car when he accidentally drops all the lug nuts. Frustrated, he bursts out with what he later refers to as the "F-dash-dash-dash word." The parental hysteria and subsequent soap mouthwash that follow make for funny television, but not for good teaching. If you want your child to watch his or her language, try these tips instead.

Tip #1: Watch Your Language

Kids tend to repeat what they hear from those closest to them. If you routinely curse like a carpenter who's just nailed his thumb to a door jamb, your kids are going to pick up on your language. And they certainly won't understand if you try to explain why you can curse and they can't. If everybody in the family uses bad language, consider a "swear jar." Everyone who says a bad word--kid or adult--has to donate a certain amount of money.

Tip #2: Visitors in Your Home

No, you aren't raising your spouse's poker buddies, and you shouldn't have to be responsible for their language...unless they bring their language into your home. Then you have every right to intervene. Catch the offender privately and say something simple like, "Please watch your language around our son."

Tip #3: Talk to Your Child

When you and your child are both calm, perhaps before bedtime or when you are doing an activity together, have a serious talk with your child about swearing. Explain that swearing makes her sound childish and vulgar, not tough or cool. Tell your child that some people are very offended by swearing and will think less of her if they hear her use those words.

Tip #4: Impose Consequences

All children want their parents' approval, so consequences don't have to be severe. A simple verbal reprimand and/or a threatened loss of privileges will usually do the trick. ("I don't like that language, Jenny. If I hear it again, Sarah can't come over to play this afternoon.")

Sometimes a child screams bad language as part of a tantrum. If your child does this, allow him or her to calm down before imposing consequences. "I know you were very upset right now, but you can't call me names. Because of the words you used, you can't watch your Disney tape for two days. Later, when you are calmer, we can talk about different words to express your feelings."

Harsh physical consequences, like spanking the child or washing his or her mouth out with soap are both inhumane and ineffective. They draw the child's focus to your untoward behavior instead of her own.

Tip #5: Be Consistent

If you laugh when your child swears on Tuesday, and punish him for saying the same word on Thursday, you'll only confuse him. Worse, you'll unintentionally make it more likely that he will swear.

By giving him positive reinforcement (e.g., laughing) sometimes, but not others, you're creating a very hard habit to break. This random pattern of reinforcement is sometimes known as "slot machine" reinforcement. Since people get rewarded some of the time, they're willing to play a losing streak for a long time knowing that, sooner or later, they'll be rewarded again.

If you're trying to help your child break a habit like swearing, make sure to enforce negative consequences every single time you hear it.

Nobody likes to hear their children cursing like sailors on payday, but with a few easy interventions, you can have your normal, sweet-talking child back again.