Five Film Directors Who Should Stay Far, Far Away from Star Wars

When I wrote my list of five film directors who could be tapped to remake or reboot Star Wars, it occurred to me that there was a dark side that was worth exploring, as well. Not every time a movie gets a reboot/remake turns out good, and usually it's because the wrong director has been put in charge of it.

So here are five directors who should not be allowed to remake Star Wars, paired with the films they're responsible for that have shot down their Jedi aspirations.

5. M. Night Shyamalan (The Village/The Happening)

The Village is an example of decent direction that is hurt by a shoddily-assembled story. What should have been a tense, taut thriller feels more like an exercise in oddity. It feels half-baked, and the twist ending -- although hinted at through the entire film -- feels like it was tacked onto the script at the last minute. Meanwhile, The Happening took what could have been a very entertaining story and crippled it from the get-go with some of the poorest casting ever seen in a genre film. Anybody who views the acting in The Happening critically will be left scratching their head at how Shyamalan could possibly cast John Leguizamo -- one of Hollywood's most underrated actors -- in a minor supporting role while casting Mark "I Have Two Facial Expressions" Wahlberg in the lead.

Shyamalan holds the dubious distinction of starting both the list of directors who would be perfect for a Star Wars remake and the list of directors who would be perfectly wrong. While his early output such as The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable showed a director who was capable of faking out his audiences and taking genre work in new and exciting directions, his later work suggests that Shyamalan's quality level is far from reliable.

4. J.J. Abrams (Star Trek)

At first glance, Abrams' successful spin on Star Trek would seem to make him a natural for a Star Wars reboot. His fresh, fast-paced take on the sci-fi classic ticked off some fans of the original, but that was to be expected from a fandom that has dedicated a large amount of brain power to figuring out the rules for a board game that gets played in the background of a few scenes. For the most part, Abrams' Trek impressed audiences with taking a slick, new direction for the series while still managing to pay homage to the original and keeping its spirit intact.

The biggest stumbling block for Abrams in a Wars reboot would have to be the fandom. While Trek fans love to argue about their continuity, Warsies border on the rabid. Star Wars is one of the few long-running franchises where practically everything and everybody who appears on camera genuinely has a name. Are you familiar with the "Japor Snippet?" Probably not, but somewhere on the internet, five Star Wars fans just punched the air in joy.

Not only that, but one has to ask if they want the person who rebooted Star Trek to be the same person rebooting Star Wars. The two series are very different creatures, and while Abrams' Star Wars would more than likely be a lot of fun, it seems best to let him continue along his merry way with Trek.

3. Steven Spielberg (Jurassic Park)

Spielberg seems at first glance to be a natural choice. After all, he and George have worked together before, they share a love of pulp action films, and their names are practically synonymous with genre work. It's a natural choice, isn't it?

Which is exactly why Spielberg should be kept far, far away from the Star Wars franchise. If you're remaking or relaunching, you would do well to consider any point where the original fell short and pick a director who can bring something new to the table. Unfortunately for Spielberg, while his dramatic turns have been largely powerful (Schindler's List) and his pulp flicks have been a lot of fun, movies like Jurassic Park have proven that he can't be depended on to blend the two properly. Instead, these films prove that when Spielberg errs, he errs on the side of sentiment. Early Star Wars is at its best when it blends humor and action with character, much in the fashion of the Indiana Jones movies. It's a delicate balance that Spielberg just can't be depended on to hit.

2. Michael Bay (Transformers, The Island)

I do not come to praise Michael Bay, but to bury him.

Well, all right. I can do a little bit of both.

Michael Bay surprised pretty much anybody who was familiar with his work with his first installment in the Transformers series. It wasn't a surprise to see Bay directing a film about giant robots and even bigger explosions, but rather a surprise to see Bay direct something with a coherent plot. Perhaps most shocking of all, however, was the fact that Roger Ebert actually liked this movie. Ebert has been completely up front about the fact that he has little patience for science fiction, and even less patience for movies based on television shows. Yet Roger Ebert actually liked Transformers. Well, most of it, anyway.

The reason this makes Bay spectacularly unsuitable for Star Wars is that Transformers is a fluke in Michael Bay's career. In all his career, Bay has developed a reputation for putting together movies that feature big machines, big explosions, and big breasts on small-waisted women (preferably running in slow motion). His movies are the very definition of spectacle, and often prance out to an adoring, rabid fan base with very little in the way of story or character.

Which is all right sometimes. As his fans are quick to point out, not every movie has to be Million Dollar Baby or Mystic River. Sometimes a dose of escapism is just what the audience needs.

But it's not an either-or proposition. Movies are not The Island or Brokeback Mountain. There's an entire spectrum between big-smash-action-with-boobies and give-me-the-Oscar-please fare. Sometimes, a movie can be Abrams' Star Trek - bursting with both the slick feel-good escapism and character. Or The Princess Bride, coupling action and laughs with romance and drama. Even Michael Bay's work shows this.

The problem is that it shows it precisely once, and Bay seems to have no idea that he accomplished it, let alone how.

1. George Lucas (Star Wars)

Here's the big gun. If George Lucas' Star Wars is to be remade and/or rebooted, then the one man who should be kept away from it at all costs is Mr. Lucas himself. Not because of any particular mistake made in the series so far (including all three original films and the three prequels, as well as the Clone Wars film), but because of all of them. A remake or reboot should be a chance at a fresh start, and Lucas has already shown us the mistakes he's ready to make.

Perhaps most compelling about this argument is the fact that, unlike other franchises, George Lucas truly bears the greatest responsibility for the stumbles and scrapes endured by the series. As an independent artist, he can't blame power-mad studio executives, focus groups, or invasive producers. Every decision made in the course of the series is ultimately his.

One could also argue that every decision about what was great in the series is also, ultimately, his. But to focus on that misses the point that a reboot is all about a new beginning. If Star Wars is to have a reboot or remake that has any chance of approaching the original, the man who created it must be kept away from the director's chair.