Five Ice Breakers for Quelling the First Date Jitters

The first date is always the hardest. Many people would skip that first date if there was any way to get around it. But there really isn't. So, how do you get past the first date jitters, the awkward conversations about nothing because you don't know enough about each other to talk about anything meaningful, the uncomfortable silences? Below are five great ways to break the ice and ensure that your first date won't be the only date.

1. Choose your activities carefully

While activities such as dinner or a walk in the park seem like great first date ideas they tend to center around conversation. There is nothing wrong with including these as part of the date but avoid focusing the entire evening around just dinner. Instead, take your date to an amusement park. There you will find plenty of fun, things to do, plus a dozen opportunities to sneak in a conversation. All along the midway you will find benches where you can stop, enjoy an ice cream or cotton candy, and talk. Plus, the atmosphere of a carnival or amusement park will help to alleviate some of the tension caused by sequestering your date into a dark corner booth at some local restaurant.

2. Location is key

If you do opt to buy your date dinner, save the intimate candlelit booth-in-the-back setting for later on in the relationship, when you know more about each other and have something to talk about. Instead, try a theme restaurant. Chinese buffets are becoming very popular but there is another, similar, trend that is a bit of a step up from the traditional sneeze guard and steam tables. Mongolian grills offer patrons their choice of just about anything they could possibly want, seasoned just about any way they could want, and their choices are grilled right in front of them, similar to what one might find in a Japanese establishment. And never fear, even if your date doesn't like Chinese food, he can fill his bowl with red meat and potatoes and nothing else, if that's what suits his fancy. Or just seafood with no veggies, or veggies and no meats. And the atmosphere at these places is very casual, hopefully easing some of the nervousness created by a candlelit dinner.

3. Do your homework

The chances are that you are going out with someone who you know, from work, the gym, maybe a class, then chances are you already know a little bit about them. Find someone else who knows more. Ask your date's friends for some conversational topics that will engage their friend. Try to find out some very specific details about a few topics. If he is into music, what kind of music? The discussion is going to be just as awkward if you read up on hip hop artists and he's an avid country music fan.

Don't mistake this for pretending. If you don't know anything about the kind of music he listens to, don't fake it. If his friends name bands, you may want to listen to a couple of them. But under no circumstances should you "love" everything he is into. First of all, that will make discussion very boring. Second, it isn't real and can lead to trouble later on (for instance in the way of being dragged to a concert for a band you don't even like). Be honest but be kind at the same time. If you listen to some of the bands his friends suggested and you didn't like them, say that. He'll be impressed that you made the effort to find out about them, even if you don't like them.

Music, of course, isn't the only thing to talk about on a date, just my personal favorite. Maybe your date is into home decorating and rearranges her living room furniture once a month. Or maybe he enjoys cooking or baking. Making contact with your date's friends can be a very valuable adventure because they can tell you, candidly, what they talk to their friend about and what kinds of things will engage her or him in real conversation, not just small talk.

4. Come prepared

But, what if you don't know any of her friends? Sit down with a pad of paper and write out twenty questions. The first ten are questions that you get asked all the time; if you are a college student, these would be questions like what's your major, what do you plan to do with it, and so forth. The second set of ten questions will be the questions you don't get asked very often or which you don't mind answering, no matter how many people ask you. Chances are if you are going on your date with someone you met at work or school, their lists of questions would be similar, especially the first list. This is not to say that the subject of career plans and school focus should not come up in the conversation, it just means to try to steer dialogue in a new direction. Naturally some of the questions on your second list are going to be duds; you may love to talk about books while your date may turn out to be more of a TV watcher. Take that and run with it. Find out what kinds of television shows they enjoy watching. Even if you read and they watch TV you might still find out that the subjects that interest you are similar.

5. Relax

Don't allow pauses in the conversation to rattle you. Folklore claims, and scientific studies have substantiated, that natural breaks or lulls in conversation occur approximately every twenty-three minutes. That means in the average three to four hour date, you will experience a minimum of six to eight definite lulls in the discussion, providing that your entire date is spent talking and not "doing." Try using those breaks as an opportunity to educate. This doesn't mean supply your date with a trigonometry lesson, it means throw out a piece of useless information (I've given you one already). Of course scientists have not figured out the whys of conversational lulls but it may spark a debate with your date. After you supply her with this information, she may ask you why you think that is. Again, I say, run with it. It may not prove to be the most meaningful conversation you have ever had with a person, but I will tell you that in four years of conversations with my friends, some of the ones that truly stand out in my memories are the ones that were sparked by useless information.

These tips may seem like common sense and perhaps "easier said than done," but they really will work and make the whole evening a little less nerve wracking. Of course, the best, and most obvious, advice I can offer is be yourself and remember, your companion is probably just as nervous as you are.