Five Lessons About Working Backstage

Working in theater, many shenanigans can ensue backstage. So many so that Christopher Guest and Eugene Levy even went on to create an entire mockumentary on the matter in their 1996 film Waiting For Guffman. But as funny as they may seem after the matter, being in the moment can be very stressful at times. You must be prepared and quick on your toes. Things can get very serious backstage. That is why everybody wears all black. Those who aren't in costume at least. Having worked in costumes for many years on school productions and in summer stock, I would like to share with your some lessons that I learned the hard way. This way, you can learn them the easy way.

1. Divas may be known to pee into cups in their dressing room.

While working at well-known opera house I was assigned to act solely as dresser to a famous soprano for one of the three operas that I worked wardrobe crew on that summer. This woman was very energetic and kept me quick on my toes. I had to learn to anticipate her every need. During one performance, she was given the five-minute warning until her next entrance. Feeling anxious I asked her if she would like me to throw out the cup of water she was on her way to discard of instead. She hastily turned me down; informing me that she did not have time to go to the bathroom...you can guess the rest. So don't be too eager to do everything for your performer if you find yourself dressing even the world's biggest star.

2. Heavily endowed women may fall out of their dress if it does not fit them properly.

My senior year of high school I worked on a production of West Side Story. Much to my excitement, I wound up with a good percentage of the sewing responsibilities and found myself making dresses for practically all of the female Jets and Sharks. I was the go-to girl backstage when there was a problem with any of the costumes and I came to take pride in my position. Although I had made a good portion of the dresses, we did rent a few for the female leads. The girl playing Anita was very slim, but very heavily endowed. One rental dresses in particular zipped all the way up except for the last inch or so. Her mother wound up sewing in an elastic inset that we used to snap the dress shut on top. Unfortunately, this is the dress that Anita got thrown around by the Jets in. During a performance one night, I was just hanging out backstage probably doing a whole lot of nothing when somebody frantically came looking for me. Anita was being shoved around and was practically falling out of her dress. Her being on stage though, I couldn't do anything except stand in the wings and pray for decent exposure, or preferably no exposure at all. The scene played out and Anita's dressed thankfully stayed intact. But the moral of this story is, if a dress doesn't fit, it doesn't fit. Forcing a dress that's not meant to be can lead to dangerous results.

3. If you really love working in theatre, staying close to home just isn't the best idea sometimes.

My junior year of college, I had the toughest time deciding between a couple of internships for the summer; one was a half hour from home, the other was ten hours. I ultimately decided to go with the one that was closer to home in order to be around for an important wedding. Although I was glad to be home once the wedding rolled around, the job turned out to be one of the worst I've ever endured with more drama taking place during the work day than on the stage during the performances at night. Sometimes it's worth it to go far away from home if it means you're going to be learning more.

4. Men can be just as big divas as women can be.

That same company I worked for the summer after my junior year of college also introduced me to the biggest male diva I have ever come across in my entire life thus far, and this includes barely post-adolescent boys who think they rule the college theater just because they're handsome. This baritone had a quick-change and being that we were understaffed, I was assigned to two quick-changes at the same time. The first time we ran these changes during a dress rehearsal, I helped my friend dress Mr. Baritone and thought he had received the other end of the belt when I handed it to him so I ran off into the other room to help another friend dress the Soprano. I was wrong. Mr. Baritone hadn't received the belt when I handed him the other end and blamed me for his late entrance. The next day when we arrived at the theater he specifically sought me out so that he could berate me. "You can't do that," he said.

"I'm sorry I had to help the Soprano get dressed. I had to do two quick changes at the same time."

"You were supposed to help me first though. Then you left. You just left. The Soprano has more time to change. You were supposed to help me get dressed first."

There was no winning this argument so I just stood there like the stupid intern I was and took it. Even when my friend, who witnessed this quick change, tried to come to my defense he just shot both of us down. Well soooorrrryyy. I didn't realize we were supposed to get things done perfectly the first dress rehearsal. In that case what's the point of dress rehearsal? Why don't we just open the darn show right after tech rehearsal is done? Maybe I was wrong to abort mission during that first run-through, but I thought butter fingers had caught the throw and that my work there was done. But we can't expect famous opera singers to be able to do things like catch. That's the job of us lowly stagehands. And when we do something well, thank yous are not necessary, at least not genuine ones coming from aforementioned famous baritone anyway.

5. It is really hard work.

Ok, I guess the number 4 sort of turned in to a little rant. But stories like that are why backstage technicians can be so grumpy. And it really is hard work, no matter how much fun it can be sometimes. I'll always love working in theater, but right now I'm loving sitting on my butt in front of this computer doing absolutely nothing even more.