Five Predictions Regarding Michael Jackson's Death

Of course she will wait on this one. It's highly likely her publicist is telling her to wait about four to six months before going on the show. Why? Because it will seem like it has been harder to deal with her brother's death.

Side prediction: Soldiers who are deployed around the world, fighting and dying for freedom will shockingly not give a crap about her Oprah visit nor will they feel sorry for the poor multi millionaire.

2. Another Greatest Hits Album Release

Within a year we will be seeing infomercials galore offering Michael Jackson tribute CD's. There will be videos too, oh yes, there will be videos.

Side Prediction: South Park creators will have a little video of their own in tribute to MJ.

3. Book Deals from the Accusing Children and their Families

The children involved in the Michael Jackson scandals of the nineties will be writing books. So will their fathers, their mothers, their teachers, siblings and their cousin's baby momma's boyfriend's homeboy's grandmother's sister's daughter's friend.

Side Prediction: They will all sell. (How sad is that?)

4. People Will Bleach Themselves in his Memory

I'm sorry but I won't be surprised if this actually happens. In fact, some fool will probably get plastic surgery to look just like ole MJ.

Side Prediction: The poor guy coming out of surgery will be disappointed when he looks more like President Obama.

5. Within Two Years there will be a Michael Jackson Movie

Yes, oh yes you know it's only a matter of time. And it will probably be directed by someone like Michael Bay. It will focus in on how poor Michael was mistreated as a child and it wasn't his fault he was a weirdo. People will look at Michael in a whole new way. Will Smith will be given an offer to play the role. I hope he doesn't take it.

Side Prediction: Janet Jackson will play herself and then win a sympathy Oscar and then... show her boob during her thank you speech.