Five Reasons Apple's iPad is One Big Joke

Here we are, the day after Apple's unveiling of the new iPad, and I'm still checking my calendar to make sure yesterday wasn't April Fool's Day (more like Apple Fool's Day). What baffles me is how Apple can call the finished product a success. For anyone still on the fence about whether or not to buy an iPad, here are five reasons to avoid it like the plague.

The Name
Yes, this is very junior high, but the name iPad cracks me up. As soon as I heard it, my mind immediately thought of Maxi Pads. How long will it take for Saturday Night Live or South Park to catch on and make a spoof? "The iPad - a portable period pad with an audible leak detector app. Don't worry ladies - camera not included."

Perfect For "Slow" People
Is life too overwhelming? Can't do two things at once? If so, the Apple iPad is perfect for you. If you're using the word processor or running an app and want to listen to a little music at the same time, well that's just too bad. Your mother always told you to turn off the TV or radio while doing your homework and the iPad has the same sort of policy. It's probably for your own good.

Too Proprietary to Function
You can only run applications from the App Store. You can't upload iTunes TV shows from another device, so you'll have to purchase them again. Docking station not included. You need a special adapter to use a USB cord. Shall I go on?

The iPad - Now With Free Carpal Tunnel!
There's nothing quite like winding down after a hard day's work to watch a two-hour movie only to have to hold the monitor up manually. That can't feel good. Then there's the touchscreen keyboard. The iPad is supposed to mimic a low-end laptop's functionality, but imaging typing a report using a touchscreen. Typing on a flat horizontal surface and viewing the screen horizontally is hardly ergonomic. Touchscreens stop making sense when you stop using devices for play, and start using them for work. Hey, finally something from Apple is free.

No Flash Support
Perhaps Apple hasn't noticed, but on the Interwebz, Flash is king. Many websites run Flash to one extent or another, so if you're plan is to surf the web with your new iPad, expect to run into problems. What's worse is no Flash, no streaming videos. This is one oversight that's more sad than funny, unless you're the Apple marketing genius who plans on getting rich off of iPad's second or third generation. No flash support will be a deal breaker for most people, but many won't realize it until it's too late.