Five Reasons to Dump Your Best Friend
As the dust began to settle, I realized something: A weight I hadn't known existed had lifted. It was then, as I marveled in my newfound peace, that I realized how over-due our break-up had been. I spent the next few days reflecting on what had gone wrong and how I had missed the signs.
1) She Is Only Your Friend When It Is Convenient for Her
After the first year or so, I began to notice a pattern with Jane. It seemed that anytime Jane started dating someone, I would not hear from her. When Jane was again single, however, she was eager to spend time together. Since my life had become incredibly busy with preparing for my first child, I hadn't really minded her fickleness. I eventually realized, however, that Jane's habit of ditching her friends when she was in a relationship, made her dangerously unreliable.
2) She Can't Be Happy for You
When I became pregnant, I eagerly shared my news with everyone I could think of. I was overwhelmed with positive feedback. Except Jane's, that is. "I don't know how to feel about this," was the last thing I had expected her to say. At a time when I was experiencing one of the biggest life changes I would ever undergo, Jane was not sure how she felt about it. I'll admit I was a little annoyed, but I knew that she was just upset because she thought she might be losing her friend. After a few days, when she must have realized I wasn't going anywhere, she called and congratulated me, sort of. Over time, however, she genuinely seemed to warm to the idea. I suppose that's why I believed her feigned interest in throwing me a baby shower.
3) She Is a Source of Stress … Often
For most of us, there comes a time when life can become a bit overwhelming. For Jane, however, that time came on a bi-weekly basis. I later figured out that more often than not, her emotional breakdowns stemmed from not having a man in her life. Prior to that, and for a long time, I found myself equally involved in her personal drama, anxiously waiting for things to get better for her. I could no longer take her seriously, however, when I realized that the moment a new man was in her life, the breakdowns would cease.
4) She Constantly Asks for Your Advice, Yet Never Takes It
I knew that Jane had a hard time being single, so I would try my best to give her good advice about relationships and men whenever asked. Unfortunately, my advice always fell on deaf ears. It was terribly frustrating. Had it just been that she disagreed with me, I could have totally understood and accepted that. Instead, it angered me that she would ask for my advice, only to throw it out the window the moment an attractive man came along.
5) She Tries to Make You Feel Guilty
We all have that friend who we may not talk to for weeks, but can always pick up right where we left off. Jane is not one of them. If I did not try to contact her every few days, I would have hurt her feelings. That is unless, she was seeing someone. It took me too long to realize that I bore no guilt for having my own life and not always making her my top priority.
Any of these sound familiar? While breaking up is rarely easy, sometimes, it's a necessity. Too often we hold onto bad friends, even when we know we shouldn't. If your best friend sounds anything like my last, I would encourage you to dump her. After all, time is much better spent on those friends that not only care, but reciprocate.
Published by Nik Minor
Nik is a freelance writer, editor, law student, and small business owner. View profile
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- She Is Only Your Friend When It Is Convenient for Her
- She Can't Be Happy for You
- She Constantly Asks for Your Advice, Yet Never Takes It
18 Comments
Post a Commenti have been sick of an old friend who lives out of state for years. she sends offensive political and religious e-mails constantly and becomes insulting and belligerant when not agreed with. this woman is unstable, angry and toxic. i intend to cut her off by not answering calls and e-mails even though we go back 25 years. BTW, she insults all people of faith, has the opinions and arrogance of "bill mahr". am i doing the right thing?
so glade not my friend witch is lexus.........
her name is lexus and the werst friend in the world .......................ever never talk to a gain
When the dye is cast, then we know.
(continued from below) Eventually the friendship did end--she ended it without a word of explanation, yelled at me to find my own friends, and was spiteful to me so I'd get the message that the friendship was over. The thing is, she wrote to me a couple of years later and tried to get back in touch! That's when I decided to do what the author of the article did: save my friendship for someone who deserved it. Thanks for the insights.
I had a "best friend" like this one. One day she just blew off the friendship and walked away--and she wasn't too kind about it, either. I was upset, in shock and confused for a very long time, since I didn't know what I did wrong. Thanks to your article, I can figure out what I did wrong! This is where I went wrong: 1. I wasn't there to look after her while she went out to play (I moved to a different city and put my life first). 2. A couple of good things happened for me and she didn't like that. 3. I was too busy being a sounding board for all her complaints and problems instead of making her feel special and important. 4. I stood up for myself even though I knew the friendship would be over if I did. 5. I was so good at being "boring," being serious and never fooling around, that she had the right to find friends who were more exciting than me. Eventually the friendship did end--she ended it without a word of explanation, yelled at me to find my own friends, and was
i have a three bffs.and only 2 of them is a good true friend. i now have reasons to dump my best friend. (yes i am a 6th grade 11 year old.) anyway, thank you 4 the tips i will talk to my friends. and see how it goes.
its very sad because i used these five reasons on my friends, and everyone applied. not on everyone though
I have a friend who kind of fits into these categories - she's older than me and hasn't had a boyfriend for a while (but she does disappear when she has one). I don't feel like I'm able to talk a lot about my pregnancy because on previous occassions she has said she wanted to kill herself because she wasn't sure if she'd ever have her own family. She wants to organise my baby shower but I don't really want one - and it seems like it's more for her than me. Then she makes jokes about me having 'preggie' moments which I resent from someone who hasn't experienced it! But then she is so kind generally and puts others before herself - it's the only reason I haven't written her off completely.
This sounds like my so called best friend, except she didn't help at all with my bridal shower and she completely canceled my bachelorette party the day it was supposed to happen. She told me later that it was because of jealousy. She has done numerous other hurtful things, and I just feel like I want to cut the ties.