Five Reasons to Hate Windows Vista

Unfortunately, I recently bought my Mom a new PC. I say "unfortunately" because I couldn't find an XP-based computer anywhere. By the time I had enough cash to buy Mom's new computer, Windows Vista had taken over every system within driving distance. But at least I got Mom something nice for the holidays, right? Right? I'm still a good daughter even though I inflicted the virus that is Vista on my sweet, innocent parental unit, right? I'll keep telling myself that.

Mom and I already hate Vista. Mom loves the actual computer, but she is currently sitting in her computer chair, swearing randomly and yelling at me to find her XP disc so that I can either roll back to that OS or set up a dual boot. I'm heading off to do one or the other as soon as I have my little rant here.

Fortunately for you, I'm keeping the rant to a mere five reasons for hating Windows Vista. Just five. It won't take you long to read - and I'm sure that you'll agree with every single one of them. If you don't, then you're probably Bill Gates. But then again: rumor has it that he's still using XP (dirty little sneak).

Five: User Account Control

I thought, before I tried this stupid operating system, that the Mac commercial was exaggerating the frustration and annoyance that is Vista's UAC. Nope! I was wrong. The system really does prompt you every single time you want to open anything, including folders and features that are part of Vista. Why I need to know the "risks" of opening my Control Panel is beyond me.

But I disabled that stupid feature because, quite honestly, Mom and I both know how to avoid spyware and viruses. We don't need an operating system to stop us dead where we sit and ask, "Are you sure? Really? Do you really want to do this? It could be dangerous, you know. Hey, don't get mad at me. I'm just trying to look out for you, pal. You don't have to swear like that."

Disabling the UAC didn't actually solve all of my related problems, though. Now the Windows Security Center alerts me that UAC is turned off. So every time I restart that stupid OS, it's all, "Hey, dude, you know what? You totally turned off this super-annoying feature. You should turn it back on, you know. For your own protection. Yeah. You should totally do that. What? Wait! Don't close me! I'm the Windows Security Center! Ahh!" Or something like that.

Four: Memory Hogging

XP was a memory hog in its prime. So was Windows 98. And Windows 95. Even 3.x sucked down your RAM if you gave it the chance. But Vista is just...wow. You really need at least one gig of RAM to even think about running Vista. If you go with the minimum recommendation (about half a gig), then you're going to chug along the whole time you're in front of your PC.

But I knew that Vista's like that, so I took care of the problem before it started. Mom didn't like Vista's pretty, shiny interface anyway, so I revered to Classic View. It's much like XP, but with much less Smurf-blue coloring to it.

And I disabled the default "Let's back up everything because Vista users are too stupid to figure out how to save their vital documents!" setting. Like I really want Vista to make backup copies of my plans to become filthy rich, buy out Microsoft and fire every single member of the Vista development team. How stupid does the OS think I am?

Three: No More Help Files

Windows switched to a different type of Help file. Most of the old programs that Mom and I had will install on the new computer without any problems. That is, I believe, technically a miracle. Let's call the Vatican for confirmation.

But if I need any of the Help files, I'm out of luck. Vista doesn't want to recognize the old format. Thanks, Bill. I really appreciate all the time that you and your cronies devoted to screwing over every Microsoft user on the face of Planet Earth. Good job.

Two: My Printer Won't Work

Until Microsoft finishes Service Pack 1, my laser printer won't work with the new PC. On one hand, that's good because I know that Mom won't steal my printer from me. Microsoft has inadvertently done something good. But don't tell them. They won't ever do it again if they catch on.

But on the other hand: I'd really like to add my printer to the home network so that Mom can print her documents on her own. I'm tired of getting e-mails with attached files and "Print this for me or I'm disconnecting the router" messages. I would just buy a new, compatible printer for Mom to use, but I just can't bring myself to do that when I have an almost-new laser printer sitting right here beside me.

One: Windows Media Player Errors

Legally-downloaded music that we purchased pre-Vista-suckfest-computer should have transferred to the new system. They were all legitimate files, backed up correctly. Windows Media Player does not, however, always approve. When the player finds a file that it doesn't like, for one reason or another, it gives us error messages about the license.

That's easily fixed, though, by banging my head on the computer desk and sobbing, "Why did I buy this computer?" Tears in the keyboard apparently do more good than harm when dealing with Vista.

But what's even stranger is the fact that the latest batch of legal purchases will not play when you run them from WMP. But when you open them through the My Music folder, WMP picks them up and runs with them. It's almost as if Vista and WMP are co-conspirators on this one.

I've actually fixed most of these problems already (except for the printer issue, which is just too fouled up to even bother dealing with as far as I'm concerned). Vista, like all the other Windows operating systems before it, requires some adjustments and tweaking before it's actually usable. This is particularly true if you somehow end up with a Windows OS before it's spent at least eighteen months on the market. I didn't expect Vista to be pretty, user friendly or even useful, so I'm not disappointed or surprised.

But so help me...if I get the Help file error message one more time, I'm going to cry.