Five Reasons Not to Move to New Jersey
Looking to Move? Steer Clear of the Garden State
(1) The Jersey Shore. This is where I now live, in a small town community called Point Pleasant Beach. Today, now that it is 58 degrees outside, I can freely step onto the beach without some teenager examining the costly badge on my swimsuit to be sure I paid my money to sit on a filthy stretch of sand with thousands of other people (just about all of them from Northern New Jersey), debating whether or not I want to enter the water and risk a syringe to the ankle. Now that the summer is over, the beach is finally free. And Point Pleasant and its surrounding communities are finally free of the cheesy, gold chain-wearing, open-shirt, eighties-style guidos with their Gotti boy haircuts and IROC-Z pimped out autos with neon lights underneath.
(2) TGI Fridays. For a quick bite and a beer, I have no problem with these chain restaurants, Bennigans, Houlihans, Chilis, and TGI Fridays included. But they are everywhere here in the Garden State, and that's where many New Jersey folks actually choose to spend their Friday nights.
(3) The City. I worked as an attorney in New York City for five years. During that time, I lived in Hoboken, which isn't so bad as far as living in Jersey goes. Yet still, when someone in the City asked me where I lived, I'd give them an address in Murray Hill or Battery Park. Because while people from New Jersey love the City, people from the City hate New Jersey. Manhattanites cringe when they hear you are from Jersey, which is often referred to as the armpit of New York. And frankly, I can't say I blame them.
(4) Diners, Diners, Diners. How many twenty-four hour diners does one state need? They are everywhere here, all conveniently located near a popular watering hole. So, at two, when the bars close by law (there are lots of stupid laws in Jersey), the drunks can file out and hit their favorite diner for cheese fries and omelets. It's disgusting.
(5) The Jersey State Troopers. On the rare occasion when the Garden State Parkway is not a parking lot and you can finally put the petal to the metal, there are the Jersey State Troopers cleverly hiding in some bushes, pointing their little radar gun at you, waiting to pull you over if you go two mph over the speed limit. They have their quotas, so fine let them ticket us and we'll be on our way. But no, they insist on being pricks about it.
Sadly enough, I have lived most of my thirty years in New Jersey, and I'm here now (albeit temporarily). So, please don't get your fancy black boxer briefs in a bunch when you read this, Mr. New Jersey. It's meant to be a humor piece, so please don't leave me nasty comments or tell me how great Jersey is. I might get pissed off. After all, I am from New Jersey too, so I've got a bad fucking temper. Capiche?
Published by Jack Oceano
Jack Oceano is an attorney whose articles cover a broad range of topics, including politics, legal issues, travel and tourism, dining and nightlife, sports, books, movies, music, and writing. View profile
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- Jersey is often referred to as the armpit of New York.
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- It's meant to be a humor piece, so please don't leave me nasty comments.
181 Comments
Post a CommentThe beaches in New Jersey are the cleanest in the nation, NJ has the highest water testing standards in the nation, and the fewest beach closings!
The beaches don't have syringes, and the only time that it ever did it was because they were dumped into the ocean by New Yorkers! We sued NY at that time in federal court, and forced them to pay for the cleanup!
Most NYers don't hate NJ, and those that do are just jealous because NJ is the richest state in the nation, and they wish that they could move there (many do)!
NJ has every type of restaurant cuisine, and international food and diversity! Diners are a big part of Americana, and NJ has the most!
If this is meant to be a humor piece, it's not funny, but just stupid! It doesn't even make sense, get an education!
The legal system. My father's estate was slammed with a "palimony suit." The laywer I hired charged me $20,000 in two months' time. The second lawyer told me he blew up the case and soaked me. There was no one to complain to since all the laywers/judges in NJ stick together. Lawyers run amok here and the Ruters Law Center trumps the legislature. If you have any money in the State of New Jersey, a lawyer will stick his hand up your ___ and grab it.
You all are so negative about New Jersey. You all should come to Georgia this place is hell. Black people here in Georgia are always hyping up Atlanta trying to make it the best and greatest city in the US. Atlanta is a cesspool and very ugly. Atlanta skyline is ugly. Black people are always trying to put Atlanta on a pedestal.
You can bash NJ all you like....I personally live here... born and raised ..I have lived in many places in the US.. I would never sit and make judgements about any of those places or the people...I find positive sides to most everything..NJ has by far the best Italian food and geograpically many advantages..so sit and look out your own windows and try to find something nice to say about your own city/hometown ok :-) peace and love from the great state of NJ
"On the rare occasion when the Garden State Parkway is not a parking lot..."
Hahahahahahahahaha - you happen to describe those days when the Garden State Parkway becomes the Garden State Parking Lot thanks to North Jerseyans going down the shore, eh? (Small wonder it's the busiest toll road in the USA!) Although I'm a born and bred New Jerseyan who transplanted herself in Florida over a decade ago, I got a laugh out of this article.
Speaking of toll roads, the New Jersey Turnpike of all places is getting fatter, as well as getting new signs! A lot of them have the six-sided green-and-white logos, with the letters TP in the center of each. (I have to admit that I love 'em - it screams childhood to me!) If you happen to drive on it, be prepared to scream and gnash your teeth - the smell and ugliness are not just the problems with the road a lot of you connote with NJ! LOL!!! XD
I escaped west orange nj, amen. Taxes were the worst. Drive thru west orange when school lets out, its the hood. Who in their right mind would ever buy a house in west orange. Total dump.
I don't mind people from New Jersey, as long as they stay in New Jersey.
youre an idiot
CANADA!
I think this is so funny because most of the reasons stated for hating NJ have to do with out-of-staters. For the record, I'm from NJ and I hate when "city" people come to the state. So, the feeling is mutual.